bloom where you are planted

-

2010-02-03T05:59:00.000-08:00

After so long, i'm now at:

http://superfluousity.wordpress.com

:)

Angry MCP!

2010-02-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

My right middle MCP is angry today. It's been one of the worse ones, but it's not bad enough to affect its movement. Not enough damage done yet, so it's no wonder. However, it's interesting to note that the pain is more significant on the side of my palm(anteriorly) rather than on the knuckle. Very interesting. *hmm*

Passed!

2010-02-02T06:51:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness! I was scheduled for remedial for my BCLS at 4 today. It did seem like the assessors were more keen to pass students as long as they're ready even if it's during remedial. Was very fortunate to get our mentor to assess me. And the manikin(don't ask me why it's spelled like that i chose was very forgiving on me, and the breaths i gave were really just enough! So i passed with the first attempt, and was given the all clear! The strip produced was perfect! No mistakes at all! :D If only i chose this manikin yesterday. But all's well, and this is proof that even if you can get exempted, it's still possible to accomplish things once deemed to be quite difficult! For once i'm not taking the easy way out! Now i can safely become a nurse! :)))

Ballet class was quite good, but i didn't nail doubles. However i did manage to hold and balance after singles. My strength is slowly getting better, but it could be even better if i did conditioning at home. Lazy bones! I have better things to fret about and worry!

BCLS theory test and WorldSkills training tomorrow! My friend is now back into the training because of certain circumstances and they're giving her a chance. Happy for her! :)

Immunology

2010-02-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

(I apologise for the surge in blog entries)

I'm struggling a big deal with immunology. For one, i slept in immunology lectures, which makes it no wonder that i don't understand it as well as i'd like to. But for the most part, the lectures were thoroughly inadequate. I'd like to learn about immunology as much as i can because it plays a big role in rheumatology. And i don't want to be a seemingly idiotic nurse who doesn't know her immunoglobulins from the B and T lymphocytes, and from CD4 to complements. I have 3 immunology books from the school library, and i'm intent on being good friends with immunology. Maybe not as much as doctors know, but enough to use it in clinical settings, understanding it, and not embarrassing myself.

The complements really make me very discombobulated. Totally. But then again, if you'd ask any doctor, all their real school knowledge have been thrown out of the door, unless it's directly related to their related specialty or pathology. Immunology will be a great obstacle, but i can beat it! :D

Retiring Scarlett and/or Elena

2010-02-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of retiring Scarlett, my tongue piercing. It was really fun having her, but if i were to want anything more out of nursing school(OIPP and WorldSkills), i think keeping her would be detrimental for any opportunities that may present to me. I was quite intent on giving it up if i'm going for OIPP, but now, if there's gonna be so few of us training for WorldSkills, maybe i could make do without it. How now brown cow? I could always re-pierce it if i miss Scarlett. :( I know i always say that it doesn't matter if i have a tongue piercing, as long as i do my job well. And so far i've not been met with any objections. *hmm* But it does matter sometimes- it's all about impressions.

About Elena, my industrial, i could make do without her because what i put in Elena is either the bar, or 2 retainers. Nothing else. I'm a boring person, ain't i?

Good and Bad News

2010-02-01T05:50:00.000-08:00

Bad news first. I FAILED my adult one-man CPR component. Why? Because i blew too hard, 10 out of the 12 breaths, and the maximum number of mistakes allowed is 4. :( My first try had me under-blowing, or not even blowing at all. The second try was much better. But who knew? My assessor was very nice and encouraging, and she's also one of the in-charge of WorldSkills training. I passed all other components, and will be retaking it on Wednesday. Heck. I failed something which doesn't affect our GPA- it does say something about how much i care about my GPA huh!

Good news then. I received a message on Friday regarding WorldSkills training that will be commencing coming Wednesday(have i already mentioned this previously?). Like FINALLY. We've been waiting forever, thinking that one of us might have been eliminated. Thing is, my friend was somehow not shortlisted. Funny because they told us they will NOT do any preliminary eliminations after we had the assessment last December. They only said that they wanted to gauge our standard. My friend said that they only shortlisted 12(whether it's 12 year 1s, and 12 year 2s, or 12 in all, i don't know) for training, which i feel is very selective. They said they'll slowly eliminate till there's only 8. So if we start with 12, then WTH? What did they base their selection on? I honestly don't know. The assessment we had was too basic, and the interaction we had with the lecturers was barely enough for them to make a judgement. I feel very privileged to still be in, but i feel for my friend. Afterall, she deserves a shot at it.

But whatever it is, way to go!!! OIPP is the next hurdle, and mugging for exams is all i can do on my part now. Can you believe that i'm already starting to do a little revision 2-3 weeks before exams? I've only done something like that for 'O' levels. So this is how desperate i've become. I want to go for OIPP!!!

JYJYJYJYJYJYJYJYJY!!!

Looming BCLS...

2010-01-31T04:09:00.000-08:00

Sundays are truly off days for me. I had a good sleep last night. Thank goodness for that. I've been rather tired the past week.

I have my BCLS practical and theory this coming week. I'm not nervous per say, because i'm living it day to day- it makes things easier, and i won't be spending my off day in trepidation. I just need to read through my notes and make sure that i won't get caught in their 'trap'. Seems like there're double/multi-standards during assessment, which seems even more prevalent during this mad rush to complete the BCLS module. Omg. Please just let me pass...

My shoulders are having a wild ride these days. Disturbs me a lot, but not excruciating enough to keep me from sleeping. Left knee is having more crepitus than usual. But other than these, i'm doing well!!! I think i might not have a massive flare after all! Which is good news. :)

2nd last week of the semester! Can't wait to be over and done with exams!

THIS IS EPIC!

2010-01-30T05:51:00.000-08:00

As you know, i've been reading Max Pemberton's 'Trust Me, I'm a Junior Doctor'. I've enjoyed what i've read so far, and it's very reminiscent of what i watched on Scrubs.

Last night, i read a part which cracked me up big time. Hilarious! I'll try to summarise the initial parts of that day's entry, but i'll quote the book at the end of the entry.

Max was on call that night, and was asked by the nurses to insert an irrigation catheter into a female demented patient's urethra. As irrigation catheters are generally larger bore than regular urinary catheters, the nurses had a hard time inserting it into the patient who'd scream and yell whenever an attempt was made.

Max wasn't sold on the idea as he had only ever inserted catheters for males(it's pretty straightforward, albeit a little more traumatising) because females tend to decline male medical students from doing it. But he had to do it, and attempted it, armed with lotsa lubricant jelly.

He kept in mind what they said in medical school- 'Aim high'. Obviously because females of 2 holes in that anatomy region- the urethra and the vagina. Just as when he thinks he's got it in, it get's stuck. After starting on a brand new tube of lubricant jelly, he gives up and desperately turns to his registrar for help.

She reluctantly does it, and was successful on the first attempt.

(Here comes the epic part!)

"Congratulations Dr Pemberton. You've just spent the last 30 minutes attempting to insert a catheter into this woman's clitoris."

OMFG. Fucking hilarious! I was thinking, that because the clitoris the the female equivalent of the male's penis, he must've been stimulating her for the whole 30 minutes. ZOMG.

I really like this book you know. Not so much for such silly things, but the perspective it offers in such a casual and personal way.

:)

Heart Worms!

2010-01-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

Worms has touched my heart. Very deeply at that, and i'm ever so thankful and grateful for her kindness and concern. After like almost 5 hours of talking and eating, i feel like i need to take some time to reflect and change certain aspects of life. But i can only put in the effort and try. Whether things turn out right remains to be seen. Change cannot happen overnight, and hopefully, i can give it time.

A sense of hopelessness still prevails from time to time, but it should start to diminish.

A little optimism here! :)

-

2010-01-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

I was reading my blog entries from last year-particularly from February onwards. I was trying to recall when was the onset of my massive flare, and the extent of it. The exact extent and the emotions brought forth are still vivid though. I'm attempting to pre-empt any imminent flare, though i do feel it's highly unlikely. Trying to optimistic here eh!!!

I've been given some pills of confidence, encouragement and concern by a certain someone. It has miraculously taken effect on me, and i do find that all is not lost. But obviously, it's not the panacea, and i do find some hopelessness in certain things, no matter how. Nevertheless, i still thank her for her unrelenting kindness and encouragement!!!

Thinking of it, i'm just afraid that my plans get interrupted yet again. Unpredictable no? However, judging at how i'm doing now, i think i should really be fine, even till 2 months later. :)

I went for ballet class again today, though i was dreading it a little as i was quite tired. But it was quite fun. The lady who stood behind me was annoying, and i just wanted to shout at her to freaking turn out her leg! So mean i know... Hehe. She was damn zhuai, and reminded me of the lady whom i hated in FL's class in 2004(Mela surely remembers this). Turns out, she's damn lousy. Haha.

Struggling very much with the loss of my extension strength, and hip flexor and core muscle strength. It's a huge blow to my dancing, and am very upset about it still. *sigh* But at least i retained my jump, turns, and clean technique, which i'm thankful for. :)

Haul Post

2010-01-27T05:51:00.000-08:00

I was reminded after reading Fifi's post that i had totally forgotten about posting up pics of this year's purchases that made me broke. Dadmum and I were at Ngee Ann City today, so this includes today's buys.

Forever 21 buys:

I love this dress! But the belt is a little too loose.

Another of my favourite simple slip-on dress. This is just the detailing at the neckline. Can't remember all the F21 prices.

Sweater with 'zip' trimming at the neckline. I love this too, but it's a little itchy because of the material. I'm hoping it'll be better after a few washes.

Obsidian cottom 'motorcycle' jacket which i LOVE. It's sooooo warm, and i can wear it over anything! Definitely going London with this!

My virgin Topshop buys that Dad sponsored:

Oversized pullover in pink with a fleur-de-lis logo. This one is also LOVE because i like the slouchy look, and i can wear this over and with anything. Perfect for pre ballet class too!

J'adore shirt with flower prints on the inside!

Very comfortable flats in navy with ribbons in silk, which is the exact same texture, color and material as my favourite Evita Peroni hair scrunchie.

Shoes- i haven't bought so many shoes in my life. Just started going a little crazy over them, but of course nowhere as hardcore as Fifi:

L: Schu flats at half price- $25. Very painful shoes! That explains the out-oh-shape heel area. I was walking around stepping on it. Hah! Hoping it'll break in better after a few more wears.

R: Cotton On flats at $15. They were just too cute to resist! Haven't gotten a chance to wear them out, but they seem quite comfy.

Nine West wedges!!! Half price at $80! ZOMG. The leather was perfect, and it can be worn with almost anything and everything. (I'm always all for the most versatile styles and colors because i'm hopeless at matching)

I bought this pedometer for myself, and another for Dad before he flies off tomorrow. It counts steps and calories! :) Mustafa Centre has cheaper things always.

Books/Magazines from Borders and Kinokuniya- (Japan always has magazines with freebies like bags etc, including freebies like brands from YSL, Marc Jacob etc... I just bought 2 of such mags...):

Hello Kitty 35th anniversary magazine! It came with a free handbag/clutch! The content of the mag made me go crazy- so cute!

I LOVE Cath Kidston(which is why i'm sad that i can't go Bicester Village near London to buy everything from her shop there...) and this is more for kids and mums. But i had to get it anyway. Free lunchbox! :)

Anatomy and Physiology coloring books from Borders. I've contemplated buy these for over a year before i finally got down to buying them!

An example of coloring an anatomy page(don't laugh! i don't color coordinate the images ok!).

Always wanted to buy this book after reading some positive reviews about this. The last such book was 'How Doctors Think', which i thoroughly enjoyed.

YAY! This is my BEST buy in a while!!! I've always wanted to buy this book after liking my first Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine. Gonna start reading this book! After which, i'll proceed on to buy proper rheumatology textbooks. :) I'm gonna be a rheumatology nurse!

That's all for now! Love all my new buys!

School lamentations

2010-01-26T06:02:00.000-08:00

I am most definitely sick and tired of sitting in lectures that are a utter waste of time. Many lecturers read from the slides- as if we can't read! And they woffle and spew rubbish, along with some misleading information at times. And many a time, the lecturers go so slooooooow, it's painful to sit in. So what do i do? I sleep. Or i read and highlight important points ahead, and then go to my own devices. Deeply saddened by the quality of teaching sometimes. The rarity of good lecturers upsets me, because more often than not, they teach very selectively and for short periods. I don't mind if what i'm studying is factual and mundane(like politics), but if it something like nursing that involves the fascinating body, and communication with patients and what not, personal experiences shared by the lecturer are invaluable. *sigh*

School is almost over, thinking of it. I have perhaps only about 6 months of academics left, the rest of which are clinicals.

I have decided to go ahead and try for my BCLS certification. I had 2 strips printed yesterday that at least showed that my 150 compressions were sufficient for a pass. Surprisingly, my wrists didn't hurt that much yesterday. But it's no wonder that my wrists hurt today. Main gist- rest my wrists before the test!

Exceedingly peeved!

2010-01-25T05:34:00.000-08:00

I am a very angry girl. Angry with school, angry with people in school, angry at everything.

Peeved that our presentation didn't go well, peeved that people could do such a small number of slides and present twice that number of slides, peeved that ah tiongs are inconsiderate morons, peeved that people take things for granted, peeved that people only look for me only if they want something out of me, peeved that people NATO- FUCKING DAMN PISSED at just about everything in school.

I realised why i sleep in lectures, and why i prefer reading my notes myself and not listen to the lecturer. Because they teach at such tortoise speed, and woffle and woffle and woffle. Seriously, most of the time, i'd be fine by myself because most times, the lecturers are just reading off the notes, just like how we feed off notes. This is one aspect why school is aggravating- it doesn't satiate my thirst for more knowledge.

I need better anger management. I've been the kindest yet in school this semester, and so far, i've been quite tame. But i keep getting turned off by exceedingly repulsive and uncivilised behaviour of certain people in school.

Anger Management!!!

Sunday Sighs

2010-01-24T07:36:00.000-08:00

You know, Sundays are a love-hate affair. I look forward to sleeping in and lazing around, but when it comes, i'm 0.o

I'm always at a lost for the day's activities, and i usually wind up watching TV and napping the day away. Being left to my own devices and thoughts, i can get pretty bored/frustrated/bewildered. *sigh* So i took out my anatomy coloring book and started coloring the anatomy of the lower leg and vertebra. Haha. I realised that my anatomy is pretty pathetic for someone who wants to go into rheumatology. Better brush up!!!

Dadmumbro came back from their brief to KL, and they brought back the good ol' Malacca mee tai mak and portugese egg tarts. *mmm* We then went to Hilltop for teppanyaki to celebrate both their birthdays, both early and late. The food wasn't as good as before, and we were stuffed. *aargh* I stink like crap from head to toe!!! *grr*

I think the only way i'm gonna get round things and regain control is to set rules and targets in many other aspects. Rules that are meant to be followed and not broken. Rules that serve to make me grasp the reins of my life. Yes. I shall do that and no one shall stop me.

I should once and for all go back to my simple medication regime of only HCQ, and then add daily calcium and vitamin D plus maybe some other supplements. My medication regime has never been so easy, so this shouldn't be tough. *nods*

Musings of late

2010-01-23T07:18:00.000-08:00

Thoughts are running amok in my head, rendering me lost and very confused. Many things have been happening of late. They might not be that a big deal, but when put together... It spells trouble.

First, my invisible disease has been on my mind pretty often these days. Doesn't help that i have to decide over my BCLS certification and my expensive medication that i am very apprehensive about. RA reminds me about what happened last year, which revealed to me that life with RA isn't very predictable. I can make plans and decide to stick with them, but the disease interrupts my plans, and i'm stuck with little choice. It makes me lose control- something which i value and appreciate a lot in my life. Control freak. I don't know when i can have a good day, and i when i'll have a bad one. My emotions are also dependent on them, and i'm not very good at dealing with my emotions. Keeping all that anger in me is tougher than anything else.

RA makes many other things unpredictable. Will it affect my employability? Will it make it difficult for me to get hold of places and positions? Will my future life partner accept me and my disease? For sure, i wouldn't want my partner to be like my unsympathetic and unempathetic family. If i ever have a kid, will my kid get RA too? I don't want my kid to have it, that's for sure. Will i, like many others, suffer from deformities and disabilities? Will i ever get a remission that can be maintained as long as possible? Can i still dance for as long as i'm able to? Will my medications affect me permanently in the long run? Can i even afford medications that i need? Is my condition even RA? Could it be something else?

Too many questions... Too much uncertainties. I've never really thought in depth about my diagnosis because i was just pleased to get one and be treated. But what entails it wasn't in my mind.

Then comes BCLS, which is making me distressed. Being a non-certified nurse is pathetic, and defeats the purpose of being a true nurse. Standing at the side while the patient is coding blue is just SAD. I will want to try, but if i fail it, i guess i'll have to give it a miss. Will it even be possible for me to pass?

Another struggle is ongoing which is something that i cannot reveal. But i'm in anguish over it, and am very distressed and frustrated about it. It overwhelms me every single day and moment. Even when i'm sleeping. I don't want it to overtake my life. But i can't stop. Not now. Not in the near future, unless someone finds out and intervenes. And what terrifies me is the fact that i can very possibly be found out. All that disgust and shame.

The recent demise of my patient/friend/fellow parishioner added onto the burden. It was just too sudden. I was too late. What was it that led to his passing? I'm still curious to know, and i hope it's not due to the mishandling by the docs. He was a really great person, and i still fondly recall our long conversations, and especially the way he greets me when we see each other, and the way we hold and shake hands like 'brothers'. There's so much mystery shrouding his demise, and i feel so helpless. I can't go to his wake, i can't tell his family anything, and i can't visit him after his cremation. Why?

Let's hope these will diminish and shift into the back of my head soon. It's giving me a huge headache and making me emo. I hate this.

sob

2010-01-22T07:37:00.000-08:00

Cry me a river.

Things are getting worse. Keeping secrets and hiding things is just too emotionally taxing.

I fucking hate crying because my eyes swell up alot. I already have 4 metal spoons in the freezer now.

Should i just try my hand at BCLS assessment? I have the option to skip it and not be certified on medical grounds. I was told that it wouldn't affect my employability, but i highly doubt so. I don't like the idea of being a nurse who has to stand aside during code blue because of not being certified. It doesn't make cow sense.

help?

2010-01-22T03:32:00.000-08:00

~Mariamne-1484

RIP :'(

2010-01-22T02:03:00.000-08:00

RIP, dear Mr W. You were a great guy, and an amazing son, husband and father. Heaven's a much better place for you.

*sob*

Too soon. Just too soon. The last time i met him, it was beforemy trip to UAE. He lamented to me about how his new doctors weren't that good, and he expressed much frustration. He mentioned that his original doctor, a registrar, was very good. But he was no longer under his care because he was transferred to care for private patients. He was frustrated because no one is telling him anything. He didn't understand why there was so much numbness. Was he scared? I think he was. I was in a rush to leave then. What caused his demise? I'm curious to know. Was it the deterioration in his condition? Or was it the treatment?

I made 2 trips to visit him in the ward when i returned, but fate didn't allow us to meet. The 2nd time i tried to visit him, he was discharged 2 hours prior.

I sent him a message today, but alas, was told that he was called to the Lord.

WHY??? He was already much like a friend to me. We'd talk for hours with me at his bedside. Chatted about everything under the sun. From his love for cars, to his 2 children whom i also know from church. From doctors and nurses, to his feelings about his condition. His wife and mum knows me already. All these in just about 5 months. I've even bought something for him in UAE, excited to share with him what i'd saw with the Ferrari World and Abu Dhabi F1 circuit.

WHY WHY WHY???

Rest in peace, Mr W. You'll be dearly missed.

:)

2010-01-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

I went for another ballet class today, and i'm glad i did. :D It's the same class that worms and i joined last year. But this time the original teacher's around. He talks too much, but he's really humble and good. Haha. I very much prefer this class over the Tuesday one, but i might just join both, if it's even possible. I managed sloooow and sustained doubles on my left, which i'm quite pleased about. But my left is still not consistent. After class, i dabbled a little in fouettes, and by chance i managed about 4-5 consecutive ones. That was my only successful attempt. Lol!

I MUST mention this: Salicylic acid 5% ointment works WONDERS for joints that do not respond to topical Voltaren and Fastum. It relieved me of my pain almost immediately. However, it does not bring down the inflammation. It's quite peculiar- the pain is gone, but the swelling and warmth is still there. It's been 24 hours, and after 3 applications, the pain is minimal, but swelling is still there. I love this amazing ointment! :) Not sure if it's available OTC though...

I'm still bummed about the costly Arava. I'm still thinking about what might happen in the next few months- it's very unpredictable. Not using Arava would mean that we have exhausted every means of putting it in remission, unless i go back to the nasty SSZ. Oh wells. Let things be then!

Tomorrow will spell the end of another school week. That'll mean 3 more weeks to the end of the semester, as well as the semestral exams.

Saw my rheumy!

2010-01-20T04:45:00.000-08:00

Rheumy visit today. For the first time in over a year, there wasn't a red flag beside my name on the system! My labs were all good!!! My liver has normalised. YAY!!! ESR wasn't taken, so that's prolly why my labs were all good!

I was in the room for the longest yet, discussing which drug was the culprit for the 3 bouts of transaminitis. We figured it was most likely to be MTX- SADNESS! I love MTX because of the simple once-a-week regime, and its efficacy on me. We'll not be continuing SSZ- THANK GOODNESS. This drug is the source of my non-compliance to my meds! But to give it credit, it did put me into almost a full remission.

Now, the plan is to try Leflunomide(Arava) again. This is the same drug which we thought affected my liver the first time i tried it. So this time, we're skipping the loading dose, and we're going on a much smaller dose- 100mg/2wks. I was previously on 100mg/wk. Might as well.

Why i am ANGRY- Arava is very expensive for a poor bloke like me paying for all my meds and consultations. 5 tablets were about $170. That turns out to be about $34/tab. No freaking subsidy. OMFG. I just got my pay, and like half of it is gone. SO MADDENING! Just when i thought the Arava plan might be good, the cost has to put me off. So how? Even if it works well, i might not want to go back on it. *pfft*

I got a note from my rheumy to whoever my BCLS tester/instructor is. We think it might be mechanical pain and not RA pain, but oh well. I don't think i can be exempted, so i think she asked for 'leniency'. We'll see what the teacher says when she reads the note.

My knee hurts BADLY. How to go swim/gym?

It's good to be back!

2010-01-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

I'm such a huge joke. I went to school, having brought everything i needed for ballet class after lessons. But i left my ballet shoes at home! I didn't want to back out of it after such a long hiatus, so i skipped the last lesson to go home and take them.

I ended up wearing my trusty soft pointes for class. Class was really good! But my strength's all gone. I can't even do a decent 90 degree extension. GAH! I can still turn doubles, jump grand jetes, so all hope's not lost! I just hate adage. I feel like i'm cursed with such a stiff body which makes extensions double/triple the effort. I may join this class for the time being. I need time to build up some strength before i start any syllabus class. ;)

One-man CPR for BCLS is really a killer. We had a session yesterday as i mentioned, and today, i woke up with angry wrists. I managed to do a few sets today while tolerating. But it certainly is painful. Should i try to get exempted? We'll see. Sucks like crap ok.

This is NOT a poem.

2010-01-18T09:31:00.000-08:00

If only it was that easy to stop.

If only it was that easy to be tolerant and nice.

If only i could sleep forever.

I swear i'd snap one day.

I know i'll get into trouble one day.

I know my deepest darkest secret will see the light of day some day.

If only i could stop.

If only i could be apathetic.

If only i could disregard moral obligations.

If only.

If only...

2010-01-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

:thumb148551360:

Monday Blues

2010-01-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

I had the worse case of heartburn/indigestion i ever had in my short life. I had omeprezole in the morning- who knew? Then i had 4 antacids in a bid to find some relief. No go. :( I was literally going to keel over in pain while in Marina Square with Margaret for our waxing session. *omg* Couldn't be any worse.

We had our first Basic Cardiac Life Support(BCLS) lesson today and damn! It is tough!!! Compressing 30x for 5 times is just a killer. Nothing beats the pain in my wrists. I was only into my first 5 compressions and i was ready to give up. But i kept on going and did about 100 compressions just to see how my wrists would die. And i must say it was EXCRUCIATING. Not to mention my poor knees. Lucky that my knees and wrists are ok today.

How now brown cow? I'm gonna try the full 30x5 tomorrow. I hope they don't get even more eroded. I don't think i can't get an exempt on this. It's compulsory for all healthcare workers. *aargh* At least we're gonna be done with this by next week. That is if i don't fail.

:(

Today's Special!

2010-01-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

Today's special: Left 1st/2nd tarsometatarsal joint inflammation!

Sometimes i cannot differentiate between myalgia and arthralgia. My calves and feet are aching from walking the whole day in my new Nine West wedges. And in the process of teaching, it felt like the TMT joint was hurting. I couldn't really tell because the myalgia was more predominant. 1 important determining factor is the presence of rubor(redness) over the foot. I've only had it once or twice. So i'm actually surprised this came in such a quiet period of my RA. Hmm...

Lost my cool!

2010-01-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

I lost my cool several times today while teaching. I told myself to be patient, because i haven't been avery patient teacher for the past many months. I have students who cannot skip even after 6 months, and alos students who cannot perform exercises that they have done for nearly a year. I think i have to lower my expectations. I cannot stand for it- students who come to class to copy and go with the flow.

We ate Kenny Rogers today when we went to Marina Square. We figured that we should try it out since it's a place we frequent when we go M'sia. The chicken pot pie is YUM YUM YUM! Love it! Their corn muffins are nice too! :)

The main purpose of going there as a family is to go Topshop!!! Yay!!! Admittedly, even though i've walked and browed Topshop at least a hundred times in my life, i have NEVER bought anything in there. Just because i find their prices are not justified. But i saw cute clothes and a pair of flats, and thus i have my virgin Topshop buy now! :D I reserved a Massimo Dutti silk/cotton blouse at Ngee Ann City's branch- getting it tomorrow!

I think i should post of pics of my new clothes. After tomorrow's Massimo Dutti top, i'm gonna stop shopping. Like TOTALLY. Too much girl. Too much.

Another test down!

2010-01-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

Another test over! Whee! I also mugged for this in like a few hours. And for the bio prac we had yesterday, A!!! Most of us got A anyway. Wasn't all that hard.

Waxing session today!!! 2nd brazilian ever, and it's so much quicker today! :) And i realised that petechiae is a result from waxing. Isn't that typical, but quite plausible. So i'm polka-dotted where i was waxed. *hmph* Who knows anyway. I'm gonna wax my legs on Monday. Hope there's not gonna be any of this under-the-skin bleeding!!!

Daddy's back after 2 long months! :D He's gonna be back for 2 weeks, and he's off for another 2 more months! Oh wells!

My extension plans for London has been cancelled. No go due to clash with clinicals. So only gonna be there for a week together with everyone else. I hope they give us some free and easy time. *sigh*

Teaching again tomorrow! *sigh*

New pain

2010-01-14T05:32:00.000-08:00

I have another new back pain. Something which i feel is more sinister. I don't like its presence at all. Getting annoyed about it. I hope it goes away and not linger on.

Major occiput ache today while on the train.*aargh* I need to use my tennis ball again.

Sighsies. Go go go away.

Last minute mugging

2010-01-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

I spent less than 3 hours studying for today's bio prac test. The further i go in the course, the lesser time i spend studying. *sigh* This can't do. I want to be top 5% of cohort.I wanna spend 4 weeks doing clinicals overseas.

Clinical trials test tomorrow, and adult nursing presentation. DIE.

TCU, iPhone and guys.

2010-01-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

I had the shortest and quickest follow-up visit to a doc EVER. My appointment was at 4.40pm. I went in at 4.44pm. By 5.05pm, i was out of the clinic, having done payment and making the next appointment. I was really amazed. But then again, this obgyn clinic is like the 'slackest' clinic there. If you compare the patient load with the medicine, paeds and orthopedic clinics, obgyn really has a much smaller load. Next week, rheumy TCU!!!

I like watching my blood being drawing these days, and today's nurse was so so so good! She poked the needle in with no blood backflow, and she proceeded to twist and turn the needle just to get it in. Surprisingly, there was no pain at all! Ok. I aim to make venepuncture a less painful affair when i become a staff nurse! :)

A prim and proper lady sat next to my today, when i was in the hospital lobby. She suprised me with her terrible manners while on the phone with presumably, a mobile provider operator. She said 'WHAT?' instead of perhaps the 'sorry' or 'pardon', and insisted that the other party speak clearly because she doesn't get anything that he/she is saying. All of these in a very condescending manner. Plus a whole load of bullshit and 'tsks'- she was clearly throwing a tantrum because she cannot seem to use the internet on her iPhone. How juvenile.

I have nothing much against iPhone users, but having an iPhone doesn't entitle you the right to verbally abuse the someone over the phone. iPhone SO WHAT? It's just a bloody damn phone that created a whole new societal expectation/demand- that having an iPhone makes you somewhat a superior being. No it doesn't make you superior, and everyone who doesn't want to get the iPhone probably laughs at those who give in to such societal demands. (I understand some do get the phone because of the functions. But really...) *tsk tsk*

And guys. I really don't get guys at all. Ungentlemenly and narcissistic. WOW. Guys have really brought the whole 'ant-guys' thingy a level higher.

Broke!

2010-01-12T09:33:00.000-08:00

I'm officially broke. Within 12 days of the New Year. I spent almost half a k on shopping since the new year. Maybe Fifi's shopping habits have rubbed off on me. ;) The last i bought was ordering of stuff from ASOS. Now my bank balance is low- really low.

So now i'm fretting. I have 2 doctor appointments, one tomorrow, one next week. Obviously my bank balances are NOT enough even to cover the consultation fees(yes it's that bad). I have hidden cash, so i should just use it right... I don't expect any prescription for my follow-up tomorrow, so that's fine. I see my rheumy next week, and hmm... I think i don't need anything from my prescription, because i still have a bagful of medicine bottles and boxes. OH! I still have a blood test to do! Everything in total is gonna be above $60 for these 2 follow-ups. And i could spend $500 shopping. *tsk tsk* I've outdone myself. Dad left $100 cash in one of his books for me to use in 'emergency' situations. Is this one? Maybe. Maybe not.

During Abnormal Psychology, we were showed the 1st half of the movie Identity. It's confusing indeed, and we're kept in suspense about who the murderer really is. Of course we wanted to know, and our classmate revealed it to us, and by reading Wikipedia. I just finished watching it on Youtube after midnight. I'm actually quite intrigued, though i find it highly impossible. It's based on an Agatha Christie novel. So...

Shopping again!

2010-01-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

Late entry!!! I went shopping after school, after contemplating either staying in school to study, or go waxing. Because there were no slots for waxing, i went shopping instead.

I went Borders and finally bought 2 coloring books!!! :) Finally! And then i bought 1 pair of flower flats from Cotton On for only $15, 1 pair of black flats from Schu that was half price($25) and another pair of black leather wedges from Nine West also at half price($80)! The leather is so damn soft, and it's so comfy! I saw the pair that i bought from UAE, and i'm glad it's $30 cheaper there compared to here! :) I also bought 1 sweather top from F21! Getting to like more of F21 clothes, which is good news!

Didn't study for Microbiology at all! Test on Thursday! Clinical trials test on Friday! I'm so gonna die!

Photos another day!

Challenges

2010-01-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

Challenges are aplenty in life. Everyone have their own set of challenges to face, and i have mine. It's up to us to face them, and whether we succeed or sucuumb to them depends on how we face them. With courage or cowardice? With tenacity and optimism, or with pessimism and hopelessness?

I don't know how everybody face theirs, because for sure, i face mine with the latter. I'm ashamed to admit it, but i do it in the hope that i will change the mentality of mine. I'm jaded and deluded. I believe too much in instant gratification. I seek too much acceptance. I am too flawed.

I need help. But i won't get help. I can't. I just cannot afford to. I need to stop, but i can't, and i won't. The fear just wouldn't diminish, nor would the unrelenting call to keep going on. The excess and deficit in behavior is a vicious cycle. How to stop? Tell me how.

All these bullshit about loving thyself. Name me a person who isn't dissatisfied with their body and maybe i'll be convinced. I don't believe all these bull about embracing your body, that inner beauty is more important, and that those average to above-average size celebrities are contented with their curves. I can bet that they at least spend 1/2 a minute every morning scrutinising their less than perfect bodies. The media and societal epxectations are destructive if you ask me.

Why oh why.

I could keep going on and on. If only no one would find out.

Day by Day

2010-01-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

Le sigh. Why is everything so sian? I've learnt to live life day by day, though not a very good idea if i have goals to meet. But this is a way of coping when life's like some shit. I'm not complaining. I just find things a little too mundane, a little too dreary for my liking. School's boring and when everything is coming up, living day by day is a good idea.

Teaching was fine today, but i had a few bouts of severe stomach cramps which would have me keel over, if not for the fact that i was teaching. Horrible. Utterly horrible. Went for an hour of massage- they're an indulgence that i cannot live without! :)

I'm suddenly in a crazy shopping mood. I keep wanting to buy/order things, but i really ought to restrain myself if i want to have money for London/Paris. Anyhow, i think i'm gonna borrow $ from dadmum to tide me over for the trip. Hope they're ok with it! I still have to pay off my debts from UAE! Sighsies!

Gotta rush out Mental Health slides by tomorrow. Gonna go window shopping with Sam tomorrow, who by the way has UGLY hair now. Her DIY bleach/dye job was totally an EPIC FAIL. OMG. I pity her man...

New Coat!

2010-01-08T02:55:00.000-08:00

Mum sponsored this $129.90 tweed coat from Zara- that's $100 off the original price! I thought i would end up with a pea coat, but i got lucky at Wheelock's Zara! :) This is size S(i think this is the only size S of all the models because everything was M and above), and it was quite roomy to be enough to comfortably fit my Uniqlo fleece jacket inside. Haha. Call me kiasu, but i have learnt my lesson in the past. I'm not gonna compromise anything! Plus i can wear junk below and still look presentable with this coat. I eyed an Esprit pea coat that fitted nicely and was very soft! Might buy if i have extra moolah. ;)

We bought a piece of luggage. I went there with the intention of getting the Roncato four-wheel luggage at half price, but we ended up with a local brand. It was cheaper, hardier and sturdier, and we felt that the wheels were safer. Sure the Roncato one looks good and can be maneuvered very easily, but the wheels could easily be knocked off during airport handling as they were not protected. And even though it was hard case, it had zippers, which wasn't ideal for long flights. So hopefully this local brand luggage won't fail us! I'm sure we'd buy Samsonite again, if only it was more affordable! The last one we had lasted 20 years!

Ok i think i'm preparing for the trip a tad too early, but i'm trying to catch the sales that's going around everywhere. Why pay the original price right? I think i'm actually done with shopping for the trip. The temperature will be about 2-9 degrees C, so i think i'm left with gloves and scarf that i already have, and probably a hat because i don't have a piece of sweater or coat that has a hood. :)

Teaching tomorrow!

Fatigue

2010-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

I think fatigue is slowly creeping back into my body. There can only be one reason- a flare is impending.

I had a particularly bad day on Monday, especially so during this period of near remission. But after that day, i'm all fine and dandy. Nothing bad of that sort though definitely more fatigue. I could sleep for hours on end and still feel like i've not slept. I slept when i was supposed to be studying, and even overslept into my studying time because i felt like i didn't sleep enough.

Maybe i'm a sloth, and that it's not fatigue. Sometimes i just can't read the signs my body displays. Like how i get stuck when my rheumy asks about how long my stiffness lasts. I know when i get stiffness, and when i don't. But if she asks me about how long it lasts, i get stuck. *sigh*

Fatigue? Maybe....

TCU and Sales!

2010-01-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

There's crazy sales everywhere! It's the perfect time to buy a coat for my trip to London. It's gonna be quite cold there, and i'm not gonna suffer like i first did in Stratford-upon-Avon! Zara and Warehouse have good ones at a disocunted price!!!

I bought 3 items from F21! 1 obsidian sweater in the make of a motorcyle jacket, 1 obsidian dress and 1 black dress. 3 in all for about $100 odd. I LOVE THEM! I bought a pair of pants from Puma, but i kinda regret it now, though it's very well tailored. *sigh* $90 for it! I could've used that money to buy the coat! Oh wells.

I went for my annual eye check up which i hate so badly. Annual eye check ups for required because of the drug HCQ that i'm on- it can cause retinopathy. The reason why i hate it is because of the inconveniences and pain that it brings about! They dilate my pupils which render reading almost impossible and having blur vision for about 6 hours. Plus, when the doctor visualizes the retina, it's so PAINFUL because the light shone is so bright and my pupils don't constrict. *AARGH* Very torturous you know! Oh, i was peeved because it was discovered that i need to change my glasses because the power increased. WTF! I got my new lenses too you know! *sigh* I shall put that aside. I'm wearing contact lens after all!

I filled my prescription after the check-up, and double checked with the pharmacist regarding the use of analgesics with elevated ALT. She was really blur, but also ruled out paracetamol as a definite no-no. I asked about diclofenac and she said the same thing as my pharmacology lecturer- the kidneys are more of an issue. So i went "Good!". I later received a phonecall from her telling me that diclofenac should also be avoided because it can affect the liver. What now?

Actually, never underestimate a pharmacist's knowledge because they know A LOT. Enough for me to be in awe. :)

heaves a sigh of relief

2010-01-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

What a relief for now. Actually, i'm glad i didn't spend the whole of last night studying for the theory test today. I read my notes through, plus my text once, and the paper was to me, okay-ish. It wasn't too bad, but the MCQs were a little tougher than the open-ended questions.

One thing i regretted- why did i write EXTRAVASATION as one of my answers for IV complications? I did write phlebitis, infiltration, circulatory overload and pulmonary edema. But i lacked one more answer, and my only solution was to write extravasation, which i mostly learnt from the clinical setting in the oncology wards. Seriously, i have no idea what is the nursing management for it! I only recall one or two points, but even that isn't substantial. *stab* WHY WHY WHY!!!

We've paid for the UK study trip!!! :) It'll be in mid-March, and i'll most probably be extending about 3 nights, all for myself to explore! If i do manage to extend my stay, i plan to hop on Eurostar to visit Paris, maybe go see the Stone Henge upclose, Edinburgh if ambitious enough, and the rest will be spent on London watching a musical in West End, and walking around, visiting the ballet shops and Royal Opera House. I'm peeved that i'll miss Kirov Ballet's R&J with my favourite Obraztsova dancing. The last show is just 3 days before the date that i can make it! :( *crosses fingers* Hope that everything can be booked successfully!

Injections FTW!

2010-01-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

I'm still well and alive, and feeling really good! I survived the injection test yesterday. We went in earlier to cut short our agony. :) I got diabetes case, with 4 units each of Actrapid and Insulatard. Had a minor technique conflict with the assessor regarding the removal of the needle, but oh well!!! We learnt it different, but hers made a lot of sense! Lesson learnt! The way she said "Basically, you did ok..." was so *stab*. But what's crucial is that i passed. Right? Right.

Having our nursing lab theory test tomorrow, and so far, procrastination is getting the better of me. I barely touched anything. *boo* Gonna sleep for awhile and wake up earlier to rush everything.

I got news yesterday that i couldn't got for the UK study trip because i didn't give my deposit. But just today, the lecturer called me to tell me that i could go! Yay!!! So i'm gonna submit the full payment tomorrow and discuss an extension so i can stay longer to roam around and do my own things! ;)

Baby oil miracle!

2010-01-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

One thing's 'fer sure, baby oil does WONDERS! :)

My face was dry like a desert after the UAE trip, and so were my arms, which has scratch marks(like a cat had scratched me) and petechiae from scratching due to the itch caused by the dry skin.

I've been using Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturising Lotion for over a year, and this doesn't work on my 'desert' face. So i used J&J's baby oil, knowing that it could cause clogged pores, but i was really desperate.

I love instant gratification! (Only on products we use and medications) My face and arms are so much better now, and the results were almost instantaneous! No kidding!

So when in doubt, turn to baby oil! :)

Something new

2010-01-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

Something new again. My right 1st carpometacarpal joint is the latest kid on the RA block. The last few newly afflicted joints came during my massive flare last year(like my hips, tarsometatarsal and 2 MCPs). I don't know if it's a sign that the flare is impending, but it does feel so. Stiffness is increasing, and joint counts have been on the upward trend, if not, on a more frequent basis.

The thumb is INDEED a very important finger. Having an inflamed thumb joint(not exactly, it's nearer to the wrist, but because the thumb's range of motion starts from there), makes doing anything with hands, a painful affair. It's not all that bad, but enough to notice. To think i thought i overused a muscle. Hah.

Anyways, skills test is up at 4pm tomorrow. What can i say? That i'm terribly afraid and scared. I'm ultimately afraid of failure. Injections is a 'high casualty rate' part of skill tests because of asepsis and injecting technique. I'm 2nd to go(and prolly first to the go in with girl #1).

It's do or die. I'd jump with elation if i passed(i don't care for the grade). The consequences are unthinkable if i failed.

I just need to live through tomorrow.

I forgot to mention.

2010-01-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

This is a new back pain. In some ways, it is quite similar to my same ol' erector spinae problems, but this time, the pain radiated down to my coccyx. *hmm*

Fastum gel doesn't seem to be working at all. I think i give up on topical analgesics. That is unless, if you give me a fentanyl patch. *hah*

Feeling under the weather

2010-01-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

Oh joy. 2nd day of the year. I had such fitful sleep last night because i couldn't fall asleep, and i had a really bad back and hip. Getting out of bed was such a task, and part of didn't want to teach.

My back was being such a bitch, and i don't remember it being that painful in such a short period of time. I brought diclofenac in case i couldn't tolerate the back and hip pain.

It was such a chore teaching because i decided to do an exercise called "Fireworks", which are really just star jumps done consecutively. Only after doing it with them while shouting instructions did i realise how unfit i was. Jumping and prancing about while waiting for my last class proved that my stamina is totally rock bottom. Golly gosh.

I kept sneezing, alternating with periods of 'want-to-sneeze-but-can't-sneeze', which was quite amusing while i was teaching. Alas, i bought some Decolgen from the pharmacy during my break, as well as some Euculyptus oil to decongest my damn nose. I was aware that Decolgen had paracetamol, which i really ought to avoid if my liver's still bad. But sigh. What can i do? Maybe it'll take a hard lesson for me to take my liver seriously.

But seriously! I already avoid taking any medications and leave them as the last resort, but even so, the remedy would usually mean paracetamol as the solution(like in the case of a horrible headache). I avoid NSAIDs unless i need to relief the pain badly. I'm already actually quite paranoid, but it's due to the fact that i'm asymptomatic that gives me a false sign that everything's ok. Oh well. Sometimes i feel like i really don't give a damn about my body, after so much battering from the RA disease process. I think i can deal transaminitis better than i would for a big flare. Waiting patiently for my next rheumy follow-up. I have some petechiae going on on random spots on my body, but i don't think it's anything like thrombocytopenia.

Got home and applied Fastum gel on my back. See!!! I avoided diclofenac and applied topical ketoprofen! But obviously it isn't working for me; would applying topical diclo work? *sigh*

I hope my cold subsides soon; all thanks to Sam for passing the cold to me. For 5 years, i've never been down with a fever or been sick. The only thing that gets me is the common cold that comes and goes at most twice a year. Odd how this goes considering the meds i was on. Maybe RA is enough to fill my platter while i'm still a 'teen'. Which means maybe my time is up in like 6 months!

What a way to start the new year

2010-01-01T04:44:00.000-08:00

So much for the new year. Woke up late. Watched TV. Convinced myself that Farrah Fawcett had the best companion ever, and that Patrick Swayze died too early, leaving his amazing wife alone.

Wanted to swim, only to have it rain when i got myself changed. Bummer. Better drag myself to the gym later.

But, my left back is kicking up a fuss for no apparent reason. Please get better! I need to teach!

Speaking of teaching, i wonder how it's possible for anyone to earn a living out of something they don't like. I do it only on Saturdays, and have only done it for a year, and yet i feel like it's such a burden. Well, i have always felt like it was a dread and burden to myself. I'll quit when the need arises. I want the money.

I was really vexed doing my pneumonia slides. This is my 2nd or 3rd revision, yet i can't seem to put in the right direction. Hope it's better now. I wanted to only spent 1.5hours on slides, but i ended up spending 3+hours on it. :( Mental Health slides next time then!

We had a scrub yesterday. I feel so good, all squeaky clean! But my skin's still too dry. Scratch marks and petachiae from scratching. *aargh*

I'm gonna die tomorrow.

2010

2009-12-31T04:51:00.000-08:00

2010 is here. So let's look back at 2009:

` 2009 was a very challenging year, because i had such a good 2008.

` Sure i found my identity, or at least i stopped searching for one, but i did get imprinted with new ideas. New ideas that harm me, and not for the better.

` I think i did not accomplish any of of '09 resolutions. Not even as simple as doing my grade 8 exam. Nor bringing up my fucking low GPA.

` Painful year. 3/4 of '09 was spent in great pain and frustration. Never again, i hope.

` I've received a few affirmations about myself as a nursing student. It boosted my confidence, but now, it's rock bottom again.

` I had my own classes to teach, and got good $ for it. Teaching pays well yes? :)

` The worse? I'm even FATTER.

_____________________________________________________________
Now for 2010; I don't ask for much actually;

` Lose weight.(I'm guessing this is common.)

` Hopefully to stop my self-harming ways. (Don't worry. I don't cut myself.)

` Pull up my GPA for once; Impossible things like making it to Worldskills SG and OIPP.

` Keep dancing- i've been on almost a 4 month hiatus.

` Keep evil RA in control! I'm doing well since SSZ took effect. Hoping to keep it that way even after stopping meds. Seriously, if the vicious cycle starts again, i'll be on the verge of killing myself.

` Keep my temper and anger in check. I've been working on it, so i hope it'll be better. Also with my gap. Know when to shut it!

` Go to church!

` Basically, if everything fails, i just need to either live through the year, or die. I don't want to suffer.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
(Though i'm less than optimistic about 2010, other than the fact that i'll be nearer to 21, and graduation.)

Deviations!

2009-12-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

I've had an account with DeviantArt for about a year(yeah, to look for tattoo inspirations), but have always hesitated submitting and deviations. The only photos i have for DeviantArt have messed up hues and contrast, but they're just the way i like 'em.

I finally took the plunge and started posting them. I've posted about 17 through the course of the night, and i'm glad to say i've been favourited 12 times! Yay!!! Not too bad afterall! Hope they keep coming in! We humans are all about finding acceptance and being accepted, no? ;)

So far, some Melbourne and UK pics, plus 2 Rapture ones and another random one. I'm a stickler for titles, so obviously all my deviations are titled very badly. No laughing!

Superfluousity@DeviantArt

Bear Love

2009-12-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

Our Forever Friends Family!
From top, L-R: Pom-Pom(belongs to Sam, given by her bf), Rosy(just bought her in Dubai), Naked Boy(gave him to bro, though very reluctantly; also just bought in Dubai), Star-Star(Sam bought her also from Dubai; the star lights up with a push on her foot!) and Bubbles(given to me for my birthday this year from Sam and her bf). Lastly, Bloom!!! She's my first female bear, Rosy being 2nd. ;) And as you can see, we're not very good with naming our toys. Too many toys! ;) We still have one with Dad over in Abu Dhabi, named Bell-Bell... These bears are much much cheaper over in UAE!

And the most perfect shot of bears! Naked Boy kisses Rosy! Just cos' they're in love, and bro is my 'fake boyfriend'! The shot makes me wanna be attached and be in love...

p.s. Rosy is such a skinny but pretty bear, she'd make a really good model! *envious of her skinniness*

UAE V (Final!)

2009-12-29T04:32:00.000-08:00

The famous and breath-taking Burj Al Arab! It was late morning- i love how the sunlight bounces off the building!

Don't ask me what Sam was wearing. IMHO, she was a walking fashion disaster that day.

The view from the souk nearby.

It looks like a cockroach from this view. Main gist of this photo- security is VERY tight. Must have a booking for a room to enter the hotel.

We were eating our sandwiches and salads from Costa in the souk.

The Atlantis, which is on the the Palm Jumeirah(on the palm-shaped island). Also featured in the latest The Amazing Race. It costs about S$1500 per night as least(i think).

Ocean view!

LRT that runs on the island.

Which is operated by SG's very own SMRT!!! :)

Aquaventure! Remember the slide in The Amazing Race? Scary!

The Sheikh Zayed Mosque built probably in honour of UAE/Abu Dhabi's founding father. It's gorgeous! We had to don scarves and modest black clothes(i don't know what you call that...) to enter. The pic's with Mum. Too bad!

View from Abu Dhabi's Heritage Village.

Dad aptly named this building the Biscuit, which is a very prominent landmark near his apartment. He uses this Biscuit as his guide when he drives- if he can see it, he's on the path. If not, uh-oh...

Who knew Abu Dhabi has a mountain? Our very capable driver drove us all the way up!

Many parts were stolen up in the mountains.

Sam looks like a true blue auntie, while i look like a banana. *hmph*

We were taking a boat(more like sampan) ride down the Dubai Creek.

KITSON!!! Whoever thought they'd open a Kitson out of USA! Apparently it's the only Kitson store outside USA(or LA for the matter). But it was our 2nd last day, and obviously too broke to buy anything from there, except for their Kitson acrylic/nylon totes.

The very same view from Abu Dhabi's Heritage Village, but during a 2nd trip with Dad. Haha! Dad's damn cute!

Dad's gonna be back on a break on Jan 16th! *woot!*

BAD BAD news

2009-12-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

Bad news- Injections skill test will be next Monday. :( Too early. Waaaay too early. I'm 2nd in line, but will prolly go in together with the 1st girl as well. I'm so gonna FAIL. I hate my life!!! *grr*

I'm TIRED. I know 4 hours time difference isn't that great a deal, but it does make a difference when i have slept at 4-5am SG time for the past 1 week. Gah. I have so many things to do for school- presentation slides, studying/revising for the many tests coming up, getting my act together for injection test etc. I also need to plan for my ballet classes- new year, new grades, new plans. *sigh* I don't have much of a concrete plan for anything yet, but i know i need to do them. At least i've unpacked my luggage, and bought new a pillow and bolster.

Good luck to me!

I really am not complying with my medications. It's supposed to be a very uncomplicated and simple regime- alternating 1 and 2 HCQ pills everyday. Obviously i'm incapable of even doing that. Actually, i'm just plain lazy and realistic. I feel HCQ is a plain waste of money and time(it's really ex and not subsidized much), and it doesn't do much for me. The only thing keeping me going without any meds is the fact that i'm still going strong without any medication after such a long time. I doubt much drugs are left in my system. Hopefully, things will stay this way, though i still get angry joints at least 5 days a week. I shall endeavour to start popping HCQ tomorrow, and fill my prescription by this week.

UAE IV

2009-12-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Omg. We're damn sian of shopping. Whoever gets sick of retail therapy? I think it must be because we're running low on 'gas'. We went to Dubai again, and as usual, our cab driver kept getting lost. We directed him to 2 locations today. But we can't blame him. He's an Abu Dhabi driver... He's really funny, but we don't really understand his English as he's Pakistani...

I only bought some souvenirs and stuff from BOOTS! I HEART BOOTS! :))) It's like our Watsons, only 10x better. :) I bought Fastum(Ketoprofen) gel for like S$20 thereabouts for such a large tube! :) As well as Tresemme shampoo and conditioner also at the same price. Moreover they're 900mls each, and will last us a looooooooong time. Better be good though!

*sighsies* I have problem buying things for friends and classmates. It's so straightforward buying gifts for the older generation- dates and nuts will suffice! For us youngsters... Hmm... I wanted to buy locally made jewellery, but NOTHING here looks nice. Wtf. I think i'll just buy chocs or something back. There isn't really anything that i can buy en masse and not go broke, while it being unique to UAE.

UAE III

2009-12-22T11:29:00.000-08:00

We went to Dubai again and wow-ed at al the magnificent buildings created by the same company which brought a new wave of financial trouble. We saw the famous 'Sail' hotel- the Burj Al Arab, which has VERY tight security. And then we also saw the huge Atlantis which was featured in The Amazing Race. It's on the Palm Jumeirah, and island in the shape of a palm. It's LRT is operated by SMRT. :) We shopped at Mall of the Emirates too. You know... The malls here are abundant and MASSIVE. We usually only get to shop 1.5-2 hours at each location to maximise our time, and end up only walking into no more than 10 shops... I'm a little sick of shopping now that i've burst my budget, and i'm allocating the rest of my $ to buying gifts home...

Pics tomorrow. Too late now!

UAE II

2009-12-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

Day 3 in UAE- We spent the day in Abu Dhabi. We visited the mosque, the heritage centre and Marina Mall. My photos are in my phone cos' i stupidly forgot my SD card in Dad's laptop while my Ixus was with me. 0.o Shopping AGAIN!

Cutest Kitty-Chan EVER. She's sucking her thumb FYI. ;) And it was supposed to be s$69, but i paid S$28 in the end. It was a 'surprise' discount. Wow. I think i've spent a lot in Sanrio!!! Kitty madness!

Nine West shoes for S$85. It was on discount, and it is one of the most comfortable heels there are. About 3+ inches i think...

Armani Exchange 100% silk scarf!!! It's only about S$60!!! OMFG. Very pretty. :)))

Hush Puppies shoes, most likely for my clinicals. But i think i can wear them elsewhere too. More wearable than my present nursing shoes. :) Only about S$48, compared to the S$85 that i paid for my present shoes...

My cheap pair of frames from Claires! It's only about S$17, and i fell in love with it, though it did look quite kiddish on the rack. I'm gonna get some cheap lenses for it so i can wear it! ;) Kitty-Chan is so cute!

Buys from Claires. I spent about S$65 with these. Just too pretty to resist. I don't think i can find such nice hairbands in SG, with the exception of Accessorize. :)))

So far, i've spent about S$500+++ by Day 3. Anything more, i have to cough out my own $$$... I still have gifts to buy. But anyhow, i've always been spending my own $$$ for gifts. Headache over gifts!!! Don't know what to get for some!

Dubai tomorrow. Gonna see the famous Burq Al Arab(the 'sail'-like hotel, which doesn't permit entrance unless you're a guest), the Palm(the palm-shaped island with residences etc), the Atlantis(magnificent resort hotel featured in The Amazing Race recently), and some shopping...

Tired due to the time difference! I know it's only 4 hours different, but we're like sleeping at Sg time 4am every night, and we eat dinner at Sg time 10-11pm...

UAE I

2009-12-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

Photos in chronological order, starting with the classic 'wing plus cloud' shot:

Pathetically empty SQ plane. SQ is really overrated. I've taken it quite a few times, and i've never been impressed. The inflight entertainment was so bad, i didn't use it AT ALL. All i did the whole 7 hours was sleep and read Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith while listening to my iPod.

Mum and I at Dubai Mall with the Dubai Aquarium in the background. We haven't explored that though.

Sam and I with H&M in the background. We spent a lot of time and $ there. :\

In the cab we booked for the whole day.

On the 1 hour trip back home from Dubai. Sunset! :)

The rays of sunlight are REAL. Not photoshopped at all! Amazing!

The view from Dad's apartment with my usual travelling companion- Slumber. Dad's apartment and workplace is on Yas Island off Abu Dhabi. The serviced apartments are very near to the Abu Dhabi F1 circuit!

Dad stocked up SO much food. Partially cos' we're coming.

Living room.

Dad's room.

Kitchen.

I like this one! This is my Pizzario Sub. "That One" was actually what i was calling my sub as the guy was doing for both Sam and I.

Hello Kitty madness!!! I spent S$80+ on these. :)

My suede wedge booties from H&M. It's costs only about S$70+, and is damn comfy! My 1st pair of actual boots! ;)

I bought this cute organic cotton bag.

H&M top: Cowl-neck like top. Disgusting undereye shadows. Can see my new eyebrows here...

H&M cardigan: I love the details!!!

H&M: Shirt which looks very 'British India', and my 1st high-waisted skirt with my booties. Love 'em!!! The skirt is surprisingly comfy. I think it's velour material... OMFG. I'm so fucking fat...

That's all for Day 2 of UAE. We're staying in Abu Dhabi tomorrow for sightseeing. Just on Day 2, i've spent close to S$300. *hmm* We got out X'mas prezzies from Dad! He got us Skagen watches(BEAUTIFUL and thin!) and a Mango watch. Haha. He's watch lover- he went watch crazy cos' of the discounts here.

Some UAE trivia:

It's supposedly very safe here. Stealing/pickpocketing will result in dire consequences(i think they 'break' or 'chop-off' the offending hand'. So we feel quite safe, but still on our guard.

It's diverse here- people from many countries are everywhere, from Chinese to Filipinas, from Pakistanis to Indians.

The money here is weird- the notes' denominations are only printed on 1 side. Very aggravating when counting money. The coins have NO denominations as it might have been printed in their script. OMG. Tough man...

Dubai Mall is like a shopaholic's haven! There're so many labels that isn't in SG- Oscar de la Renta, Dsquared, Alberta Ferrati, H&M, Aeropostale etc!!! Coach is SO expensive here, and Longchamp is only marginally cheaper than HK.

We've, or rather I, have been getting a lot of stares from men here. And it's scary staring. Makes me kinda scared. We got followed by a guy who saw us outside Sanrio while i was holding Mum's handphone. Sam and U intended to go La Senza ourselves, but we decided not to because we felt he might do something to either us or Mum. Followed us for a good deal, and then we lost him, prolly cos' the security guard was behind us. SCARY...

My eyebrows are looking better, even if it's only Day 3. :) I love how it's turning out, and i think that $400 is money well-spent. ;)

PWN guys!

2009-12-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

I have serious issues with guys. More specifically, ungentlemanly guys. And as you can see with the above 2 FB statuses, guys generally don't defend themselves because perhaps they find some truth in my statements, or they can't be bothered, or they don't dare to incur my wrath. (School mate mentioned reading it but not commenting though with much grievances, to my delight.)

Then this happened:

Note the statements from both me and the guy(p.s. i don't know this guy). It was quite apparent that he was defensive with what i first commented. Obviously this guy is a male chauvinist pig(MCP; i know i shouldn't judge, but where it comes to such guys, i don't give a damn). He has yet to refute my statement. I didn't state any examples because if he was on my friend's list, he'd know of my feminist tendencies. But of course he didn't know, and incurred my wrath, even with such an innocent statement(though i did find it condescending in such a simple question). I know my 'glass ceiling' statement is a lousy one, but heck. I'm just trying to sound intellectual to shut his fucking gap. HAHAHA.

EAT DUST, GUYS!

TGIF!

2009-12-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm SO glad it's Friday. It was Margaret's 18th birthday today, and i got her a pretty sunflower and a pretty Puma bag in her favourite color. I'm happy she likes it! She deserves it truly. :)

I managed to take a trip to NUH to visit my good ol' 'friend'(i don't know if it's now a friendship or patient-nurse relationship) before i fly off, and at the same time check out if i have a prescription to be filled. As i mentioned, i have not been informed about my LFT results- whether i could restart medication, or play the wait-and-see game again. (I like my rheumy, but doctors in Singapore tend not to have good bedside manners, and don't have the habit of informing us of results and changes- that includes her.) So i DON'T have a prescription to be filled, and from that i can only assume that my liver enzymes have yet to normalise. Oh wells.

I took the plunge(again, i know) and did eyebrow embroidery- partially creative embroidery with strands of hair-like ink. It makes it much more realistic, but MUCH MORE expensive. *sigh* I think i've spent the most in my life this past year. *tsk* It's really dark now, and i hope it'll lighten up while i'm in UAE- precisely why i chose to do it today... Finally no more drawing brows, or brows that got rubbed off through the course of the day! :)

Luggage pretty much packed. Figured that Steph isn't very good with small luggages because of the sheer amount of bottles she brings- moisturiser for face and body, body splash, shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, aloe vera gel etc... Heehee... I'm gonna flatten Slumber if i put him in! :(

-

2009-12-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

Almost done with packing- i'm only left with amenities and footwear to pack on Saturday morning. I'm using a much smaller luggage this time- a challenge to myself to not bring unnecessary things, and as practice for light travelling when i go UK! :) Carrying a 18kg luggage up 5 floors was no joke ok. ;)

Last day of school before vacation! Yay!!! I'm doing my eyebrows tomorrow, and i really really hope it'll turn out nice!!! They're so important, and it can either make or break your look! *crosses fingers*

RA genes

2009-12-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

You know... I'm very afraid and aware about Sam having joint pains. All 3 of us have had joint pains growing up. Bro apparently grew out of it. Sam is still 'growing' out of it, or so she hopes and thinks. She still complains of the occasional knee, hip or ankle pain, and i always insist that she reports to me if she does have any of these so that i can have a look at her joint. (I know i'm no doctor, but am trying to spot any swelling that may give an inkling of what may be wrong.) I spotted Bro's knuckles, and his 2nd and 3rd MCPs(index and middle big finger joints) are unusually large. I asked him, and he is adamant that he doesn't have any joint pain. Whether both of them are keeping mum about it, i still have this nagging concern that might be suffering in silence.

Granted that i might have it worse since my immune system started attacking most of my other joints, i'm still afraid that they too might suffer, though on a smaller scaleRA. Sam refuses to be like me- being subjected to medications and routine blood tests, something she hates... But i always tell her- it's either the needles and meds, or disability in the long run. Can't have your cake and eat it too right?

*sigh* Nobody deserves to get this. Or so to speak, nobody deserves to be chronically ill. It's too much pain and trouble. And i pray and hope that if i ever have kids in future, that they will never have RA.

Knottinghill!

2009-12-16T06:40:00.000-08:00

My 1st proper ring!!! This is from Ashley Isham's new jewellery collection with Lee Hwa, and this is part of the Knottinghill range. :) I psyched Sam to buy another one from his collection as well- hers is a knotted heart. It's 14k white gold plated, and i only paid $217 for it . Sam's one is much cheaper at about $150+? LOVE IT!!! I wanted to buy the pendant, but i need to keep some $$$ for UAE... I want to buy another Tiffany ring! :)))

Timbuk2 bag at a discount- $89. Can be used as a tote or messenger. Just in time for UAE trip. Can also use for UK study trip next March!!! :)

Surprise find at Gramaphone! Giselle full piece ballet soundtrack! I wanted to buy it online. So glad i found it at such a good price! Sarah Brightman's my first 'opera-singing' CD. LOVE 'Time to say goodbye' sung with Andrea Bocelli. :)

So so so broke now!!! Right before we fly off for UAE! :( I'm so gonna buy clothes from H&M! :))) Heeheehee... Going for UK study trip. Hope to be able to shadow a rheumatology nurse! I asked my lecturer, and it IS possible to extend my stay! So extend it is! Gonna go solo, shop at all the ballet shops, and explore the whole place myself! Isn't that exciting?! :)))

2 more days of school we're off to UAE!

i can relax till the end of next week!

2009-12-15T06:29:00.000-08:00

IV therapy skill test was quite uneventful. Fortunate to get our own tutor as assessor. Done and dusted with 1/2 of the practical skills component!

Finally finished up slides that needed polishing or creating from scratch, after procrastinating over the whole weekend.

School starts at 1 and ends at about 2 tomorrow. Gonna recce new places and jalan jalan in town with Margaret. :)

I have yet to receive a call from my rheumy. So i'll assume that either it's still high and needs further monitoring, or it has normalised and that i need to go collect my prescription. Hope it's not the latter. No intention of making a trip down before i fly off!

Strapya Stuff!!!

2009-12-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

Hello Kitty Madness!!! I love this cute Kitty that i bought. I don't think i'll hang this on my phone though... DAMN CUTE!!! *gushes*

A Kitty bow carabinar, and a Cubic Zirconia bow. I love BOWS! :)

Sam bought this. They're really tiny, and i stuck one onto my phone.

Right over in that corner! So cute!!!

I bought the sheet of gem stickers to cover the ugly 'damage' i have on the posterior side of my phone. Had to cut out abit of it for the camera and the hanging hole for the lanyard. A little OTT, but better than nothing!

My Chirimen lanyard! :) Like it alot, and hopefully, it'll let me pick up most of my incoming calls. I keep missing calls!

RA Update

2009-12-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

I've got a brand new RA-inflicted joint. Not so much with the swelling, but more of the pain. Not all that painful, but pain enough for me to notice. It's my right pinky PIP by the way. Not a good sign always if there are newly afflicted joints while on treatment. *sigh* But i'm still going strong, and my joints are still pretty tamed with whatever drugs there are left in my blood. Hoping it'll last me for a long while!

Took blood on Wednesday, but i'm STILL awaiting a call from my rheumy or the nurse for any instructions. I'm not sure what it means if i'm not getting a call- is my liver much better? Or is it still sore from all those drugs? (I should get a call to resume some meds if it's much better...And 528 is really high, so i reckon it'll take much longer for it to return to normal...) *sigh* I'll give it till tomorrow for her call. Liver Function Test doesn't take that long to process right? *hmm*

Brutal Honesty!

2009-12-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

You know you are really FAT when a kid tells you so:

My 7-turning-8 year old student told me she could recognise me dancing on video because i was the fattest one there.

FML. Like totally.

Hello Kitty!

2009-12-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

Say hello to my new Hello Kitty plushie! I was so tempted to get one stuffed at Build-A-Bear Workshop, along with another bear. But i got this only. We took a long while to get it dressed in this pullover. I had another pink fairy dress in mind, but it'd make it hard to hug and stuff. The bunny slippers are SO CUTE too! :))) Isn't she lovely? Going crazy over the kitty again. ;)

The new textbook i bought at quite a steal. Haven't sat down to read it. Soon! Exciting!

My new Kipling bag. It looks a little too tiny for A4, but it does fit everything nicely. Makes me feel like a kid all over again! ;)

Went to Vivocity with Mum and Bro after school today. I bought Mitch Albom's new book(well, not all that new...) and 3 beautiful notebooks. Haha. Wanted to buy a calendar, but i have to look at more choices first. Am gonna drag Sam to the DIY shop to make a bear again. I got to!

My IV skill test has been moved earlier to Tuesday. Yay! Means i don't have to worry about it for such a long time. But i gotta work really hard for it!

Last Saturday to teach tomorrow for the year 2009! :D

Awesome!

2009-12-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

I went on an impromptu shopping trip with Mum and needless to say, it was awesomez(hehe). I bought a Kipling backpack(as it was on sale and looked quite 'old-school'), a River Island wrap sweater(so soft!), a Uniqlo fluffy pink sweater(for UAE trip... Sam got teal and Mum got red), some Print photo frames for Dad's present, Allure and Pointe magazines and a new pharmacology textbook! WOOT! Steph's so happy right now. :)

Our Strapya things arrived, but no one was home. Hopefully we can get it by Saturday. :)

Mum and i wandered a little in Anteprima Plastiq and Burberry. They still have the Hello Kitty bag in Anterprima! *gasp!* But it's like a freaking $1500 for something made with PVC. CUTE but so not worth it. Burberry has nice stuff. And i saw the Burberry Prorsum clutch that i liked, but it was almost $200 more ex compared to buying online...*hmm* Oh bother!!! We'll see after we come back from UAE. ;)

Yet again...

2009-12-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

I've done it yet again. After which i berated myself, and went down to work out at the gym. It's ironical how i'm able to do this despite the ongoing discussion in school for a project. Ashamed. Utterly digusted and ashamed of myself. Sore throat now. It's no wonder... It's been going on for days on end, though i do let it go just for a select few days of the week. Although that itself makes me wallow in guilt...

FRUSTRATED and DISGUSTED. But then again, it's amazing how i derive a sense of achievement in a mere set of tangible and visual values.

Ridiculous assessment!

2009-12-09T02:32:00.001-08:00

*Bleah* We had our 1st WorldSkills assessment today. According to one of the teachers in charge, they will only assess us to pair us up, and not eliminate any of us. And what were we tested? BP, pulse, bed-making and CPR. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF. 1stly, no scenario was given. 2ndly, we haven't learnt CPR. 3rdly, we didn't do our assessment and planning appropriately because we didn't know what to expect.

Simply to say, we screwed it up. And needless to say, judgements have been passed on us, and we're going to DIE.

:(

Entrapped

2009-12-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

I'm once again entrapped in a vicious cycle that i can't seem to break. I know i can if i want to, but my subconscious mind tells me not to. Deep down inside, i constantly remind myself that only by being in this horrible cycle can i justify my disordered behaviour. But looking at it logically, being in this cycle is much more disordered and destructive than anything else i've done in my whole life. I want to stop, but i can't. I'm obliged to stay in this cycle until my innerself is satisfied. When will that be? I don't know- maybe soon, maybe not ever. I'm so ashamed of myself. Ashamed of the state i'm in, ashamed of the disgusting things i do, and even more so appalled by own decision to even start all this nonsensical crap.

I have to hide it. No one will ever know. Not now anyway. I'm not ready to face up to myself and reality.

-

2009-12-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

What a long long day! School was *zzZzZzzz* as usual. I went to get my underarms waxed at MS's Pink Parlour branch. I have to conclude and say that i'll only go to PP for their mani/pedi and brazillian. I find that their leg and underarm waxing is not very 'clean', so to speak. I know they tried their best, and maybe the problem lies with me. *hmm* I'll try others out and then i'll make a judgement and decide whether to stay put.

I got my laptop back! Finally! I was dying without my Favourites and my photos and whatnot. I went to buy a Seagate hard disc to backup everything today. Got it at $109 for 320GB. I'm not too hard on buy too much memory. I have no use for it, and i was also trying to spend as little as i could.

I bought a Reebok jacket! It's uber 'hot' looking, but not like it'll make me look hot. Heh. Pity it's a tad big, because S is apparently their smallet size. But anyhow, it's such an amazing looking jacket. Only for $79! :)))

Back to pia-ing tomorrow after school... *sighsies* Another long day again. :(

RA Update

2009-12-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

What can i say? Feeling fab and great! I had a horrible shoulder flare, and i know i could have gritted through it. But i had to take diclofenac and panadol- not very good for my liver. It was crying out in distress and i was already PMSing because of it. Oh wells. But other than that, i'm amazed at the state i'm at without my meds!

Feeling so liberated from meds! :D

Feeling the heat!

2009-12-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

The weekend is almost over. :( I spent about 9 hours teaching yesterday. About $70 extra for relieving 2 class! :)

There's so much things going on in school, and i don't like it at all. I recall being in a state of distress at the same time last year, especially when school starts again right after New Year's Day. Everything will come fast and furious with high 'mortality' rates at skill assessments, and all presentations and tests. I'm already feeling the heat now. :(

Coming Wednesday, 'skills assessment' for WorldSkills... They said no one will be eliminated yet, but at least some form of judgement will be made right? Any skills from year 1 and 2 can be tested. How lucky are the year 1s!

Must keep studying! Must.Do.Well.

Doubting

2009-12-03T07:43:00.000-08:00

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." -Shakespeare

This is my favourite quote, and i believe by it. But, i realised, doubting thyself can be beneficial at times. It keeps me in check. By that i mean reality check. It also serves as a form of managing expectations. Have found it useful to doubt myself in certain aspects of life, but of course i should know when not to doubt to avoid any detrimental effects.

It's a miracle!

2009-12-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

I actually started studying. At like what? 3rd week of school. Pigs should start flying now. Hahahaha.... I got so compelled to do so after attending the OIPP presentation. I want to go to UPenn, which has the best nursing program in US. If not, UK or Germany. But whatever it is, i need to get myself up to the top 5% of the cohort(of like 600-800 students). I think those of us shortlisted are already in top 8-10%. So it's the battle of the best. I want ALL distinctions, with the exception of Nursing Practice and Nursing Laboratory, which i have no confidence over.

News came that we're starting skills assessment for WorldSkill next week. OMFG. I have to go read and revise all my skills, which amounts to a MOUNTAIN. :( Plus pia-ing for our IV skills assessment week after. *sighsies*

I can say all i want- all the distinctions, going UPenn... But it'll never happen if i don't make it happen. YOU CAN DO IT STEPH!

Anyways, i met our W57 CI during the presentation. What a coincidence! Chatted with her while we took public transport. She's so NICE and humble! She 'looks out' for us, and i'm so glad that she's ever so willing to help us and listen us out. :) We're seeing her tomorrow again cos' she'll be in campus! :D

Ballerinos

2009-12-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

I really have to say that the late Fernando Bujones was a FANTASTIC dancer! I dare say that he can be compared to the likes of Baryshinikov, but of course the latter is still by some margin, better than Bujones. I'm sad i didn't realise his talent earlier!

Herman Cornejo of ABT is so under appreciated! He's a amazing dancer, but pity ABT doesn't give him all the principal role due to this smaller than typical size.

My favourite ballerinos to date:

Farukh Ruzimatov, Ethan Stiefel, Herman Cornejo, Fernando Bujones, Vladimir Malakhov, Daniil Simkin, Andrei Bolotin and Marian Walter. Leonid Sarafanov looks good, but i haven't watched enough to say i like his dancing.

Giselle Gems!

2009-11-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

Ah... I'm still deeply in love with the Giselle Act 2 pas de deux. I've found gems! I still don't have a favourite Giselle. Alicia Alonso is not my fave, though thye call her the legendary Giselle. I saw a small part of it danced by POB's Aurelie Dupont, and SFB's Maria Kochetkova, and i was pleasantly surprised! I've always known Aurelie Dupont to be a fine ballerina, but i never paid much attention due to my lack of appreciation of the French technique. But she is a good Giselle!!! Kochetkova on the other hand, who was Russian-trained, was lithe and light in her entrechat quatres and saute passe(which is traditionally supposed to be a petit releve passe) and was the perfect epitome of a how a sylph should 'float'!

Omg. I wanna buy the music for Giselle! My heart melts everytime i hear the pas de deux music. :)

On the other hand, i really like My Way sung by Frank Sinatra. I first heard of it during Sec 3/4 history lessons- Sinatra Doctrine, was explained by Mrs Tang, was named thus because of the song. :)

La dee dum...

2009-11-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

My laptop is down! *grr* It's booting with a blank screen. Apparently it's a common problem with this tablet series across the world, but HP is not recognising it as a manufacture defect. Mum is bringing it down to the HP centre later. All i want is just for all my saved info to be safe. I didn't back them up... *stab* :(

I got into director's list again for year 2 sem 1! Really unexpected as it wasn't reflected in my result transcript. :D

le sigh

2009-11-28T03:29:00.000-08:00

Bah. I hate it when the time of the month sends your weight up up up. I know it doesn't count for anything, but it can be depressing. The only way is to avoid the scales the entire time.

I wanted to say this a long time ago, but i keep forgetting. You know how kids like temporary tattoos so much, that they glee in delight when they get one. I have students who come to me as proud 'owners' of a tattoo, showing them off to me. BUT! As kids grow up, i think they're mindsets will change, along with their parents' mindset impressed upon them. Would they still look at tattoos as favourably? I don't know. Parents can disapprove of their child's teacher having a tattoo, but they letting their child have temporary tattoos are a sign that they afterall, acquiesce to such an idea. (However, no parent has ever expressed their opinion to my piercings and tattoo, and are actually very kind to me.)

The 'ulcer' on my gum is so unrelenting!!! *gah!* I finally brought myself to take a folic acid tab to try to make it better. But i think it'll do nothing seeing that it's not caused by mtx. :(

WE ARE GOING TO ABU DHABI AND DUBAI! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! Sometime on the 19th to 27th December. :) We're gonna go big time shopping! There's H&M there, plus everything that's in SG and even more. Tax-free shopping in airport is gonna be good!

-

2009-11-26T07:43:00.000-08:00

My knees and wrists are really hurting, and i'm really tempted to take something for it. I don't want to take the gamble, but at the same time, i think my liver is already much better.

The synovial swellings are slowly back to haunt me! :(

New Moon

2009-11-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

New Moon's ending is so exasperating!

"Bella, will you marry me?"

Ok. But i'm really glad i caught it quite early. Can't wait for Eclipse! Dakota Fanning has really bloomed into a fine young lady! I'm sure she'll be even more gorgeous in a few year's time! ;) Kristen Stewart looks different- better, in this movie. ;)

*aargh* I still don't like Jacob in the story. :(

:(

2009-11-25T06:36:00.000-08:00

Fuck. I'm feeling damn bushed these days. I don't know what's on with the fatigue. I can't stay up in lectures, especially on 9-10 hour school days. :(

I swam yesterday and today, because it was SUNNY! Rainy weather is a no-no for swimming. But heck. My knees hurt from swimming. Not from 'muscle pain', but from deep within the joints. It's kinda like RA pain. :( And i thought swimming was therapeutic for RA-ers. It's not like i'm jogging or cycling right... *pfft*

I've been facing the 'big white bowl' everyday these days. And today, twice. I don't like it, but i can't help it because i lose control. *aargh*

I am my biggest enemy.

RA vs OA

2009-11-25T05:55:00.000-08:00

"Isn't that what old people get?"

Nuh-uh. I'm really sick and tired of indifference and insensitivity sometimes. I think i should never reveal that i have RA unless being questioned.

(Am gonna explain this in a really layman manner)

Osteoarthritis is a degenerative condition whereby the cartilage(the shock absorber and cushion) in the joints 'wear off', resulting in the 2 ends of the bone 'rubbing' each other, causing pain and discomfort. It's a condition that many elderly people get. People in their late teens or early adulthood can also get it from sports or sport injuries. It's basically a 'wear and tear' form of arthritis.

Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disease whereby the body's immune system attacks the body's own tissues(in this incidence, joint tissues). It can also attack other parts of the body apart from the joints. It causes swelling in the joint capsules and can result in erosion and deformities in the joints. So to speak, OA can result from the eroding process of RA. RA can involve many joints- fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles, toes, neck, back etc. This cannot be cured. It canonly be curbed with medications, but some people still become disabled. Oh. And our lives are generally a little shorter than average.

I feel particularly offended when someone with only knee OA tells me that he/she knows exactly how i feel, because it's NOT what it seems to be. OA pain is NOT the same as RA, disregarding differences in personal pain threshold. As much as the person is empathizing with me, i feel insulted. I too feel aggravated when someone with knee OA tells me that he/she can't use the stairs or exercise. Because even i do, when my knees are having a bad day. I even dance on my bad flare days.

Methinks, some people with OA are just lazy and find excuses with it. I'm not generalising- i know there OA-ers who are very proactive despite their OA. But i know more RA-ers who really want to exercise but cannot due to their disease process.

Monday Blues

2009-11-23T07:16:00.000-08:00

Today's another case of monday blues. School from 9-6 wasn't very exciting. It was cold- in the lecture theatre, in Kou Fu, in the library... Shouldn't have worn shorts...

Both my knees were naughty today. Survivable, but i wanted to take something for it. I checked in my phone for Arcoxia and Diclofenac, and to my dismay, it wasn't all that a good idea to take them. Afterall, i accidentally took some champagne on Saturday, and the least i could do is to give my liver a rest... So i just gritted and tolerated with the pain in my knees and shoulders, and climbed stairs. Climbing stairs will work, but not before being in pain. I don't know how much damage there is from it, but exercising helps.

Longer day tomorrow! 8-6... *tsk tsk*:(

St. Regis!

2009-11-22T09:34:00.000-08:00

The view from our 10th floor suite.

The TV is huge! At least a little bigger than the one at home...

The queen beds for Mum, Sam and I. That's Mum on the left, and her eldest sister(my aunt) on the right.

In the posh lift which has a seat.

Sam and I after the dinner looking fat and fugly. HAHA.

Beautiful toilet with so much marble! It's bigger than brother's room at home!

Tub with the TV screen! Hot water was aplenty. Regretted not bringing my Lush bath bomb...

We had Chinese cuisine for our cousin's baby's 1st month. :) He is SO adorable!!! Can tell that my cousin-in-law is one happy husband and father. The food was really good, but i felt that the bird's nest and shark's fin(dano please don't shoot me!) were not very necessary(sad to say, i don't enjoy fine food like these, abalone, foie gras etc because their taste it either too bland, or too rich with little nutritional value). The breakfast wasn't the best, but it was still good nevertheless. We never fail to have cocoa pops, scrambled eggs and porridge!

I want to buy the pillow that i slept on in the room! Goose downing and feather... :)

CCKSS Alumni Dinner

2009-11-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

L-R: Mela, Shang, Mrs Tang, Me, Fifi, RP
Love love love Mrs Tang, who's still looking fab and skinny! ;)

It was so nice to see some of our favourite teachers around. Certainly nostalgic to step into the school compounds again! Not many our classmates came. Oh wells!

RA update

2009-11-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

So my liver is in distress, and i've been off SSZ for 2 weeks already. Haven't taken good ol' MTX this week, and haven't gotten down to taking my Plaquenil(i don't even think it does anything for me seriously).

What i can say, after such a long and hard rainy day, is that my joints are slowly making their presence known to me through the slow and insidious inflammation process. I just hope that it subsides through the night(which happens quite frequently recently). Because my liver is affected, i don't have a chance to use any painkillers, especially paracetamol and diclofenac. Only the diclofenac gel. :(

The weather is gonna be hard too. I'm actually pretty confident that my liver will recover in 3 weeks time when i redo my liver function tests. I'm looking forward to restarting MTX!

Should count my blessings though. Whenever i think of the patients i've had, my heart aches for some of them, and think of how fortunate i am to be able to do what i love, and have things easier with RA.

And thinking of it after speaking to my pharmacology lecturer(since she seems to know A LOT and that maybe she could figure the mystery behind this), i now truly understand why people have trouble with drug compliance, especially with diseases that have no physical manifestations. It gets sickening over time, and kinda pointless. I know i took my meds religiously when i was in a bad flare period, but when i got much better, it seemed such a chore.

That's how nurses can empathise with their patients- through their own experiences.

I should be fine really! My body's been really great the past few years because of dancing, and considering that i have an autoimmune disease, my immune system's been fantastic! This will just be a small obstacle. :D

What a rainy day!

2009-11-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

I waxed my legs at Pink Parlour(Liang Court). It indeed is bigger, but my wax job wasn't done all that well. I bought a mix & match package worth $400 for $350 that can be used for any services. Any kaki i bring can also make use of it due to the 15% discount. ;) I'm going back tomorrow for a mani-pedi, and at the same time, make noise about my bad wax job. :(

Dad's now in Abu Dhabi. :( I'll miss him, but we can have do video calling through MSN. I still recall that in 2006, we had so much trouble connecting online because webcams weren't all that common. But now, all i need to do is to click a button and i'm ready to talk to him with the webcam and mic right above my screen. ;)

Been spending soooooooooooooooooooooo much $$$. I have to tighten my purse strings. :(

Transaminitis again!

2009-11-18T03:10:00.000-08:00

Saw my rheumy after 3 looooooong months. Apparently she called me on Monday, but because the number was the hospital's main line, i didn't know who to return the call.

Was 1/2 hour late even after spending $15 taking the cab, and rheumy wasn't even in the clinic yet. 0.o Anyhow, my ALT skyrocketed AGAIN and this time, it's 10x the normal limit. It's 528 now, compared to the normal 50, and last year's increase at 299. *hmph*

Rheumy was really nice today(but she usually is too anyway) and i was totally honest with her that the raised ALT was puzzling because i have been defaulting on my SSZ and plaquenil for about 2 weeks already. And it's lucky i haven't taken this week's MTX. The real mystery is why my liver is inflamed again even though my doses haven't been changed since many months ago. Last year's episode occured with Leflunomide and that's understandable. But we don't know what might be causing this. Thing is, both MTX and SSZ can cause it and we can't pin-point. *hmm*

So the plan for now is to stop MTX and SSZ and do LFTs again in 3 weeks. Both SSZ and MTX have worked very well in controlling my RA, though SSZ took more than 6 months with 6 pills a day to gain a hold in my body. I hope the vicious cycle won't start again!!! I'd be very miserable if it does!

Woe is my liver!

rrrrrrip!

2009-11-17T08:30:00.000-08:00

I did the most unfathomable thing today. I don't know what's worse- this or tattoo/piercing.

Ok. I went WAXING!!! *woohoo!* And down south of course. Let's just call it BW(brazilian wax) and don't ask why i did it. I just had to, plus i wanted to wax my legs but they didn't have enough time... All in all, i did it on a whim and only actually got scared on the bed!

I did it at Pink Parlour after i called them up today. Only did research last night and decided not to do BW in Strip cos' of many bad reviews(though there were good ones too)... Pink Parlour's BW uses hot wax and is cheap at $49 with 20% off for 1st-timers. :) Plus all the good reviews!

Marina Square's branch is really small, to my surprise. I should try Liang Court next time. I didn't get a good first impression cos' my waxing therapist was quite blunt and sounded apathetic. But i tried to chat with her during the whole session, and she ain't that bad afterall. The treatment room is really small! :(

The whole process i guess... Is PAINFUL. I was having muscle spasms whenever she ripped some wax off cos' it hurt like fucking hell. And this hurts more than tattooing... Like seriously. But the pain is only for a short while and isn't long lasting. Tweezing hairs that the wax doesn't get is also very painful! :'(

I actually would say i would go back for the same therapist, but when i got home i realised she didn't clean me up properly and there was still tiny bits of wax left on me! :\ But i really don't know what are the actual standards elsewhere, so for now, i'd give Pink Parlour a thumbs up! :) Gonna try their main branch next time!

The aftercare lotion i bought to prevent ingrown hair was like twice the price of my BW! It was $78.*jaw* But i'll do anything to prevent it cos' i'm so damn prone to ingrown hairs!

Gonna wax my legs next!

p.s. I apologise if i sounded too explicit!

Back to School!

2009-11-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

It's finally back to school tomorrow. Excited but a little dreadful at the prospect of the darned projects and all the new stresses in doing well. Hmm...

We had a BFF sleepover at Fifi's house, and i'm so glad we had. We had so much fun, laughed our asses off, and reminisced about the good ol' days when we might be juvenile and immature, but at least we were happy. Fifi's sofa is so good to sleep in! THANKS FIFI for hosting us everytime. Next time we should sleep at Mela's house. ;)

TGIF

2009-11-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

I don't really do TGIFs anymore due to the fact that Saturday is impending... But i have 1 last shift to go before we hit school again! I'm not at all excited about this paediatrics posting, and i feel like i what i've learnt is limited. It's still learning nevertheless, and i thrive on knowledge and information. ;) And like the OBGYN(i know this is the American term of O&G, but i think it's better), IMH, polyclinic, SHS postings, i was literally floating like a balloon, trying to while time away... *mmhmm*

I can't get bonded cos' of the new policy. :( No extra moolah... Oh well...

Foam Roller! :)

2009-11-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

I bought my first foam roller! :) The urge to buy it last night, and got down to getting it today. Went from Chinatown to Balestier to get it. :) Love it!!! Used it to release the 'knots' in my horrible back- self myofascial release as it's called. :) I looked into more online, and am gonna buy another thicker, shorter but harder one in addition to my present thinner, longer and softer one. It's my new bestie!!! ;)

5 more shifts to go and we're liberated for the rest of the semester! :D Hoping that we can have a BFF sleepover next weekend!

good things come in 3s?

2009-11-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, i got to know that i was shortlisted for overseas industrial placement programme(OIPP). On Friday, i got to know that i was chosen together with 40 others(from about 1200 students from Year 1 and 2. 'Cream of the crop', they say. But that's bull...) to train for WorldSkills SG and represent the school and hopefully SG in WorldSkills International in London 2011. Training process will be long and tough, and they are going by elimination down to 8 students only for the local competition. Wow.

What else? I'm fortunate to get such opportunities that i wouldn't have even dreamt of(though i wanted to do OIPP ever since i started nursing school) with my pathetic GPA(in comparison with those who are better than mine)... But WorldSkills? It is so unimaginable with my GPA. So i guess someone recommended me. So whoever it was, i'm grateful. The easiest part is done, and now it's my turn to work hard and turn the opportunities into reality. Work hard Steph!!! You can do it!

Good things come in threes, they say. Who knows? Maybe one more is coming up. But i'm contented as it is!

Praise God for everything! I would never have been able to do anything without His amazing grace and mercy. :)

Yay for nursing!!! Woohoo!

Boosters!

2009-11-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

Went back to school due to 'meeting' with the nursing manager and team yesterday. Apparently i was shortlisted along with about 50 others for overseas attachment next year. We will only get selected after our semester 2 results are out and after an interview. Such a motivation to study hard!!! OMG. This is what i wanted when i entered nursing school! :)

Then i received a message only today regarding a meeting tomorrow for World Skills competition(previously known as Skills Olympics). Puzzling cos' World Skills took place only this year(with NYP nursing students getting Gold since the 'Caring' category was introduced), and the next would be in 2011, when i would have already graduated. The local World Skills would be next year though... *hmm* I had to change my shift. Oh wells. I'd only know tomorrow!!!

These are such boosters to my confidence, and i want to do well, even if they won't turn out the way i want it to be. Praise God for His unceasing grace and mercy. I would never have achieved anything without Him. :)

-

2009-11-03T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ok. The kids aren't too bad at all. But my heart aches for some of them. :( I don't think i want to work in paeds in future anyway. The feeling just isn't here. ;

Just trying to 'float' through this attachment. Specialised postings don't make me excited at all. I'm just 'sian' all the way, which reminds meof my O&G posting. Trying to 'float' yet score at least average. *sigh*

I need to go back to school for some discussion with our nursing manager and team. What the heck. I don't even know anyone else who has to go! :( Thank goodness i'm PM shift on Thursday.

Out of sight, out of mind. Plus busy trying to get shuteye and do research. All of last week, i didn't take any medications(though i try not to miss weekly MTX). Bearing the brunt of my laziness. My toes are !@#$%^ this morning and my fingers are bothersome. But heck. I'm already trying to get back on track again. Why is it so hard to remember at times?

The Week

2009-11-01T05:24:00.000-08:00

I was so engrossed in trying to get enough sleep and rest between shifts that i didn't bother blog. Hohoho...

I watched An Evening with Paloma Herrera on monday night and skipped tuesday's(because i was too tired). An Evening with Iana Salenko and Marian Walter would've have beeb more apt. Anyways, i was never a fan of Herrera. If i watched ABT, i preferred Julie Kent(in fact she's one of the very few American dancers i like). Never liked her in Don Q with Corella too. She did Raymonda, a number by Twyla Tharp and Don Q, none of which i enjoyed. Sascha Radeztsky(who was Charlie in Centrestage) is hot, but he was horrible as Basilio in Don Q. Corella in the famous video, was better(but i don't really like him too). They looked awkward in Twyla Tharp's, but i don't blame them cos' her choreography takes something to look good in.

Iana Salenko and Marian Walter were the BEST! They're a married couple from Staatsballett Berlin, and they had PERFECT chemistry. They did Bournonville's Flower Festival and looked so youthful and playful! :) They did another modern piece which saw them having very dynamic partnering. It was SO GOOD. They're even better than ABT's Irina and Max(whom i watched in the ballet gala). They're one of the best i've seen live! :) Love them!!!

The rest were ok. Didn't like the Japanese pair from Tokyo Ballet. They were very showy, and it was too showy for Sleeping Beauty's grand pas de deux. I was *shudder* cringeing at their version of one of my favourite PDDs... They looked better in Carmen, which showed of their flamboyant style. The other couple is from SFB. Yuan Yuan Tan didn't come. Her replacment was not too bad, but i didn't like her Odette(as usual, American style with the classics don't go well). Ashley Bouder was disappointing. She looked a little 'bigger' than the standard ballerina, which made her Giselle look weird. Again, she's a Balanchine ballerina and she doing Giselle isn't all that nice. Her version of Balanchine's Tchaikovsky's Pas de Deux(music from Swan Lake) wasn't to my taste. Only because the best version(even in comparison to the greats of British, American, French and Russian ballerinas) was by Evgenia Obraztsova(previously seen in ballet gala) though she isn't a Balanchine ballerina.

All in all, Iana and Marian saved the day!!! Just like how Evgenia saved the International Ballet Gala! :)

______________________________________

My 2nd week in IMH was ok. I was struggling during the morning shifts because of the lack of adequate rest. We built even more rapport with our patients. 1 patient seriously looked like he was going to rape and kill me, but thankfully he left after 1 night. Then another guy was admitted and he fell in love with me. NO KIDDING. Just to give you an idea(some of this came from Banu because he didn't dare to ask me):

- He wanted to see my face under the mask, and asked if he could kiss me.

- He wanted to marry someone who looked exactly like me.

- He gave me flying kisses whenever we left for the day.

- He explicitly asked me to give him a hug when we said our final goodbye just because another patient 'hugged' me(and my other friends).

OMG. So creepy and disgusting. That was not all. Just the most absurd ones. HAHA. Luckily we didn't reveal where we were going after IMH. We just lied our way through with all patients for fear of them stalking us when they're out.

We bought marble cake for their tea break on the last day and they were so happy! :) And when we said our final goodbyes, they were all so kind and tthankful, wishing us all the best in our studies etc. I was close to tearing. But oh well. One thing for sure, peope with mental illnesses are just like all of us, and like the patients in acute hospitals. It's just that their illness are manifested not physically but mentally, which makes it intangible and hard for people to accept.

__________________________________

2 more weeks in the paediatric ward! Kids and more kids! But i know my heart will melt sometime during this posting. It's a bittersweet, love-hate kinda thing going on in me with kids.

Le Sigh...

2009-10-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

Working in IMH is really mentally exhausting. I'm overworked from just watching my back- that i don't allow myself to be vulnerable from physical attacks from the back, or any peeping up skirts. And because i'm a 'touchy' person and value person-to-person contact and closeness, i find it exceedingly hard to keep an arm's length from my patients. It's hard to talk and communicate with them at such a distance, and i can't help but feel like i'm 'ostracising' them. :( Granted that we really don't have much to do, all these by itself is already a huge task....

I'm a fat fat whale. I've got a ginormous appetite these days, and i don't like what doing these days. *pfft*

Crazy weather!

2009-10-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be my 3rd day at IMH. One overwhelming thought about the place- HOT and STUFFY. There's no air-conditioning at all(apart from the lecture theatre, doctor's office etc) and with the mask on... *aargh* It's very unnerving for me. Even the tea room has no air-conditioning... The weather isn't helping at all, but thank goodness it just rained. Just hoping it'll be better tomorrow... The patient's aren't all that bad, just that i was really intimidated initially. But after i got to know them, it's easy to see why they're in IMH, and why they need so much help in being integrated back into the society. Quite saddening... :(

My back has decided to 'flare up' for no reason. It's more of the soft tissues than the joints, and so i'm using a glass bottle to roll under my back... It's the best way to unknot those tight muscles. *aargh* I might want to go do some accupuncture because it's just so annoying!!!

I've decided to be a good girl and return to my medication regime because for the whole of the last 1 week, i conveniently forgot my meds. I'm still feeling ok, but i just felt it isn't too safe to do so lest everything flares. I have a crater on my tongue now, and because it's 48 hours after MTX, i took 10mg of folic acid. Hope it heals real quickly!

STO

2009-10-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Sweet! I slept for 18 hours straight last night! Only cos' i didn't sleep on Thursday night; was watching Scrubs 4 and plus i couldn't sleep. ;) So when dadmum woke up on Friday, we left for JB. Hehehe. Had a good massage but the masseur almost broke my left arm from wrong body mechanics. *ouch* Cool. Had 2 great massages in a week! Totally needed it. (But i'm still achy in my back...)

So we got home at 4+, and i zonked out totally and woke up only at like 10.30. So refreshing!!! *wooooot!* I went to the dentist to STO and it was so quick! I'm still dying from my tongue ulcer here, and yet the gum that was cut and stitched up was all good almost from day 1! What irony...

I finished up Scrubs today. I wanna watch season 5!!! :((( Gosh i love Dr Cox!!! ;)

I'm getting a big headache doing whatever i need to do for the London-Paris trip... Yup we're going to Paris to visit the Louvre, Eiffiel Tower, Disneyland, Arc de Triomphe etc. Just because it takes only almost 3 hours by Eurostar from London to Paris. I've pretty much settled on some accomodation in London. But flight tickets are just killing me *stab*. I don't know how tickets can be $500 cheaper in February compared to April. WTF!!! But tickets seem to cheaper to Paris than to London... Just hoping that Sam and I won't be so confuzzled with the beautiful language there, counting that we'll be going several places...

London Plans!

2009-10-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Gosh i've been sleeping my ass off these few days. Exactly how i spend my holidays everytime. *pfft* I don't know if it's because i've been sleeping so much, or because of amoxicillin, or simply because i'm coming down with something- been feeling a little sick to my stomach these days. Not enjoying it at all!!! I think i should take some Stemetil if it continues. I lost my appetite eating at Sakae! So unbelievable ok! My mouth is ok now, just that it's hurting more with the ulcers on my tongue. How dumb right... I think it's due to the MTX, so perhaps i should take some folic acid to 'rescue' my cells... Hehehe...

And tsk... I really keep forgetting my meds- amox or SSZ... *bang*

I lost a chance to go BKK with my ballet teacher as there's a Paris Opera Ballet workshop there, just because of attachment! I mean, i could go if it's school cos' i could work around the timetable... :(

And i think i'm starting to make the plans for the London trip concrete. We're going to go almost definitely, the week before we start the new school year next year. That's the only way to work with the timetabling for attachments which will be out at erratic times... Just getting accomodation is enough to make me go bonky!!! Makes me want to take the night train to and from Edinburgh and save 2 nights of accomodation... Hehehe... The flight and accomodation will cost about S$4000 for both of us because i don't think we're that ready to share a dorm with strangers... Should we anyway? I'm gonna prepare about $1000+ for food, transport, shopping and whatnot... The more the better! I'm only worrying about Sam cos' she almost has zero income, and i think she's gonna have to take a loan from dadmum... *sigh* Please make it happen steph!!! If not it'll never happen- not until you start working and have to take annual leave just to go!

-

2009-10-12T02:26:00.000-07:00

What's worse:

IMH posting for 2 weeks when we haven't even learnt mental health nursing and abnormal psychology.

*tsktsk*

-

2009-10-12T00:29:00.000-07:00

I'm drowning yet again in this warped thinking of mine. What irony...

bloom where you are planted

-

Angry MCP!

Passed!

Immunology

Retiring Scarlett and/or Elena

Good and Bad News

Looming BCLS...

THIS IS EPIC!

Heart Worms!

-

Haul Post

School lamentations

Exceedingly peeved!

Sunday Sighs

Musings of late

*sob*

help?

RIP :'(

:)

Saw my rheumy!

It's good to be back!

This is NOT a poem.

Monday Blues

Today's Special!

Lost my cool!

Another test down!

New pain

Last minute mugging

TCU, iPhone and guys.

Broke!

Shopping again!

Challenges

Day by Day

New Coat!

Fatigue

TCU and Sales!

*heaves a sigh of relief*

Injections FTW!

Baby oil miracle!

Something new

I forgot to mention.

Feeling under the weather

What a way to start the new year

2010

Deviations!

Bear Love

UAE V (Final!)

BAD BAD news

UAE IV

UAE III

UAE II

UAE I

PWN guys!

TGIF!

-

RA genes

Knottinghill!

i can relax till the end of next week!

Strapya Stuff!!!

RA Update

Brutal Honesty!

Hello Kitty!

Awesome!

Yet again...

Ridiculous assessment!

Entrapped

-

RA Update

Feeling the heat!

Doubting

It's a miracle!

Ballerinos

Giselle Gems!

La dee dum...

le sigh

-

New Moon

:(

RA vs OA

sob

heaves a sigh of relief

rrrrrrip!