My Malady

Some truth about people with RA:

1. When we say we are fine, we are fine thank you. We can't possibly be 'not fine' for days/months/years on end. So to speak, we understand that when someone asks, they don't actually want to hear drony stories, they just want to hear 'I am fine'. It's courtesy to ask, that's all. They aren't really concerned. That's humans for you.

2. When we act like we are totally fine, most of the time, we are not. Yes there's the cheeriness, smiles, prancing about etc. But most of the time, it can be assumed that we are in pain, however minor or major. We try(or at least i do) to conceal any signs that differ us from any ordinary individual. It can be depressing to move differently from our peers. So more often than not, we have more pain cos' we are putting stress on affected areas.

3. We don't like it when people try to show concern, but are not genuine. It's an insult to us, and we don't need sympathy. So we prefer being left alone because not many can empathize. If we ever do voice out any pain(and it takes courage), it's because we are in VERY BAD pain, that we need help. So if someone's gonna just brush it off with insensitive words, we do indeed, start cursing and swearing silently.

4. We are tired, cranky, and have mood swings frequently. It takes us a lot of effort to get out of bed, start the day, and get to school. We get a lot of morning stiffness, and there's usually more pain in the morning because of sleep. And with all that effort, we get tired and moody for the rest of the day. So either stay out of our way, or risk getting 'bombed' by us for any minor thing. FYI, it takes a lot of mental strength to keep ourselves from yelling at anyone, especially our good friends. So we don't reserve any energy for people who do unacceptable things.We do feel bad for our emotions, but we cannot help it.

5. We deal with pain frequently. We take drugs to help us. More often than not, they come with ill effects. So we seem irrational and cranky sometimes as well because we are dealing with the side effects that don't make us feel good at all. Do you like feeling nauseated everyday?

We are normal people like anyone else. It's just that we may need some help sometimes, we deal with chronic pain which in turn affects us physiologically and psychologically. We want normalcy, but sometimes it takes a while to gain that. We need support, but often, we don't get it because people don't understand, people belittle what our disease can do to us, what it takes for us to try appear normal. We are NOT lazy, weak, have little pain treshold, whiny and attention-seeking. It's just what the disease does that make us what we seem to be, though we try our best to counter it.
It'll be nice to have a warm hug, a good listening ear, a good cry, some understanding and most importantly a remission.


This non-remitting period has been tough for me. As much as i'd like to take MC many times, i can't because of certain obligated lessons, and because most GPs aren't empathising enough. I don't want to tell another tall story just to get an MC for something which is really affecting me. That's just dumb. I've come to the point where i've seriously considered getting a walking stick(no kidding!) because it's tiring to limp or compensate when my legs are angry. It has a lot of social implications, so that's where i start to doubt if i really need one.

I feel so bad for whining so much in this blog. I feel bad for whining to my friends. I feel bad for feeling like a monster in the mornings, and when i show even a tiny bit of negative emotions to my friends because of this stupid disease. I can't talk about this at home because it's a senstive topic; they don't really accept the fact that i do have a problem, and that they don't care and show concern like parents should. So i have given up altogether. I thank people like Fifi, Mela, Jasmine and Margaret for listening to my annoying situation.

I have 1 more month to go to see my rheumy. So far, nothing has changed with the upped dosage. I hope my blood test for liver function will come out ok. I'll cry if i have to stop any meds. 1 more month to see if i can go into remission. 1 more month to the time i have to approach dadmum for money(quite a substantial amount) if i can't get remitted. I'm so embarrassed and reluctant to approach them; we've had talks about the anti-TNF biologic therapy, but it didn't turn out well. *sighsies* So what i can only hope for is that my present meds will do something for me.


Hoping for better days to come! Stressful week coming right up. Hope my joints won't get even more aggravated with the added stress...