Challenges are aplenty in life. Everyone have their own set of challenges to face, and i have mine. It's up to us to face them, and whether we succeed or sucuumb to them depends on how we face them. With courage or cowardice? With tenacity and optimism, or with pessimism and hopelessness?
I don't know how everybody face theirs, because for sure, i face mine with the latter. I'm ashamed to admit it, but i do it in the hope that i will change the mentality of mine. I'm jaded and deluded. I believe too much in instant gratification. I seek too much acceptance. I am too flawed.
I need help. But i won't get help. I can't. I just cannot afford to. I need to stop, but i can't, and i won't. The fear just wouldn't diminish, nor would the unrelenting call to keep going on. The excess and deficit in behavior is a vicious cycle. How to stop? Tell me how.
All these bullshit about loving thyself. Name me a person who isn't dissatisfied with their body and maybe i'll be convinced. I don't believe all these bull about embracing your body, that inner beauty is more important, and that those average to above-average size celebrities are contented with their curves. I can bet that they at least spend 1/2 a minute every morning scrutinising their less than perfect bodies. The media and societal epxectations are destructive if you ask me.
Why oh why.
I could keep going on and on. If only no one would find out.
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1 comment:
I believe you are in denial over your condition, you need reassurance of your own "sick role", someone to reaffirm that this IS a problem. That's why you think you think you cannot get help, or stop. The burden of keeping secrets only gets worse with time! I think if you truly want to get over this, try telling someone that you really trust first. Someone that will not be judgemental. This will get you onto the first step of recovery, if you're ready for it!
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